The dogs are looking out

I love dogs. Dogs are so awesome. And dogs love me. It pays off to love and respect dogs and treat them like people. You know, pet them on the head and give them a treat.

I have been a mess all week about not having tickets to see Dr. Dog play their show here. I have been REALLY down about it. I spent one day looking for hook-ups. Another day day looking on Craigslist. And finally, as a last ditch effort, I entered a venue sponsored contest. And I won! I never win contests. I had a feeling I would win this one though. I'm so happy! See, bands I like with dog in their name... I tell ya. I end up seeing those shows! remember what happened with Ratdog? Awesome.

This is Pitchfork weekend. Natalie Jamie and I have our system all mapped out. Hopefully there won't be any fights to get into. let's take a look at the plan, shall we?

Friday
We will meet at Walgreens and go over to the "will call" trailer to get our tickets. After which we will go to eat food in the vicinity. At 6, we will see Mission of Burma. They are performing their album "Vs." I don't really care about Mission of Burma. I am going so I can see what all the fuss was about from tIoP. He goes nuts for them and I don't get it. Next, is Sebadoh, performing the album "Bubble and Scrape". Love love love. Finally, PUBLIC ENEMY doing "It Takes a nation of Millions to Hold us Back". It's gonna be fucking awesome! we may or may not go see Batman after PE.

Saturday
We are getting an early start on things and will spend most of the day at the B stage. We are most excited about seeing A Hawk and a Hacksaw, Icy Demons, and The Fuck Buttons. Also we will see Ruby Suns and Boban i Marko Markovic Orkestar. After all that time at B, we will go to see Vampire Weekend. That is a really tough call because they are playing at the same time as Elf Power. But we picked Vampire Weekend. We shall see. then we will see !!!, Jarvis Cocker and Animal Collective. And then we will go home.

Sunday
I'm torn about Sunday. I pretty much only care about seeing M. Ward (I get to see M. Ward!!!!!!!!!!!) and The Apples in Stereo and Dinosaur Jr. I'm sure there are bands that day that I will stumble upon and enjoy but... I'm not making a specific effort.

So that is my weekend. I was planning to try to work in some time to watch season one of Mad Men but that might bave to wait.

Why did you spray silly string all over that maxi pad?

Oh? What's that? It's jump rope and balloons? well it looks like a diaper with a bunch of clown dookie on it. Yes, Project Runway started last night. I am excited as hell. This highly tanned fella called Blayne who is desperately clinging to the relevance he enjoyed in his younger days (maybe enjoyed) made a monstrosity of hell with a thing in the crotch. If you watched, then you know... clown dookie.

Natalie, Dave and i sat down for traditional Wednesday night programs and a blast was had by all. I have some early favorites and some are surprises. Most of the people are pretty fucking boring but they'll be gone soon enough. My two favorites were Joe and his pasta dress, and Kelly(?) with he vacuum dress. I knew she would win. She had it coming. I wanted to put it on while she was still dying the "fabric". it was beautiful.

The guy who did the cups dress was cool i guess but i was more in awe of his process than the finished product. it was nice.

I am loving Korto because she isn't there to make friends, but I guarantee you, you will not hear her say those words. She isn't a villain, she just doesn't give a shit about these hoes. Cuz she is a G. She doesn't have to spout reality show cliches and her dress was beautiful.

Somebody needs to look that dude Suede up and down, pause for a moment, and say "No." Just no. He is the hottest mess ever. Poor thing. He would really benefit from a makeover. There are a couple of lookers this season who could help him out for sure! i bet he's a nice person though...

Not sure who I want for the top 4 yet but overall, I was impressed. Too many forgettable girls though. They aren't very interesting. Either to look at them or their clothing. Best forgettable lame girl dork moment "giggle hee hee...I'm wild and crazy...I'm gonna pop this balloon...is anyone gonna care? oh my god what a scandal i am creating! i am making waves! ...pop! hee hee hee" poor thing. I cannot wait for next week.

Shear Genius was on after. Bravo was smart to make PR lead into it because I doubt that a lot of people will tune it just for it. I love Daniel. he is the prettiest little thing. Just a delight! ...but i hate his haircut. I love Charlie. He is my almost favorite besides Daniel but they trade places from time to time. I don't care about anyone else really. Nekisa would do well to go into business as a stylist for "Ladies who are Cougars on a Budget". I think she would be very successful.

Curses!!!!

Well, it's happened to me. Well, almost. I narrowly escaped what could have been a tragic dooring. I was casually riding my bike and saw some know-not mother fucker who shouldn't be driving and probably has no insurance and was probably stoned on pot. He was parking his car. As i approached, I thought to myself "This mother fucker is gonna open his car door." I kept coming toward him thinking, "He's gonna open his door. i know it." Sure enough, as I was passing him, he opened his car door. I screamed like the Dickens as I pedaled past him with only about one inch between me and the open door. What did I do? I stopped, went back and cursed his dumb murdering ass out. "USE YOUR FUCKING MIRRORS!" I was met with a confused look. "Your MIRRORS! So you don't KILL people!!!" etc etc. There was a cop right across the street who did absolutely nothing. Apparently all of these new biker safety policies went into effect on January 1st but no one is enforcing them. Apparently the only way Ms. Cop would have done anything would be if I actually had been hurt. Forget the fact that the mother fucker should be cited for opening his door in the first place. Ugh. SOOOOO angry.

To end this on funny, Natalie and I were sitting at the bus stop waiting for the Montrose bus which was never going to come. This cab full of twatty teenagers drove past and they started yelling at us. Not in a bad way though. Like they wanted to impress us. It was random and hilarious. Then after we figured there would be no bus, we got into a cab and asked to go to the Montrose Red Line station. The cabbie said "Where's Montrose?" We saw that as the first sign of trouble. "Uh, Montrose is the street you just turned off of to pick us up..." We looked at each other. The cabbie then asks us where the train station is and tells us it's up to us where we go and he doesn't know the way. We looked at each other. Then the driver says "How about if I take you to Wilson. There isn't a Montrose station." natalie started snapping. "No take us to Montrose. I know where it is I take the red line every day!" We paused. Then we looked at each other. We simultaneously realized that here actually isn't a Montrose Red Line station. Oops. He took us to Wilson.

Ah, the hell with a title....and capitalization.

Last night wen I was going home, I encountered a Chad. You know the type: kind of a douche, thinks he's a hotshot, business type, youngish, bit of a swagger. Do not confuse a Chad with a Bateman. Chads wish they could be Batemans. I guess they are more your real world Batemans. Anyway, this was a very different type of Chad. First of all, his name was Chad. Funny. Second, he looked like he had overcome unfortunate birth defects to become a douche. He even had an entourage of other guys from the office with him who hung on his every word and even said "Wow, Chad. you're like, the MAN or something!" I nearly lost it. Chad had weird legs and walked funny. He was on the cuter side though. I would say he was medium hot.

I had a dream last night that Bernie and The Bar came to visit from Switzerland (where I will be going in winter!) They brought along some of their friends. One of them beat up someone I was close to and a revenge plot was hatched. A couple of fights broke out and innocent people were beaten up. Ultimately, this one girl handed me a knife and told me to stab her. I was instructed to make it count or else she was gonna kick my ass. I kept stabbing her and she wouldn't die, she just kept getting mad. I ran otutside to hide the knife because I thought they were gonna try to pin a murder rap on me as part of a different revenge plot. Oh these dreams I have!

I think I am gonna go see The Silver Apples tonight. Should be fun.

Dr. Dog has a new album coming out in July. I heard it. I won't say anything yet though. I should update my reccomendations on the sidebar there. I'll do it later.

It's Not Libel If It's True

So seeing as how a certain singer of terrible songs was found not guilty today of the child pornography charges he was facing, it is my hope that more girls come forward. What? What's that you say? More girls? Yes, more girls. You see, our singer in question, is actually a sexual predator. As far back as I can remember, he's been fucking 8th graders. He may have switched it up from time to time to include high school sophomores and maybe a 7th grader on occasion, but one thing is constant. His type is kids. Among his playgrounds of choice was the McDonald's on 53rd street in Hyde Park. If you know, then you know what I'm saying is true. Now, as far as I can tell, that shit is illegal. And in what was previously his most brazen display of statutory rape, a matter of public record, HE MARRIED A 15 YEAR OLD! Instead of being horrified of this, as a nation, it instead became fodder for countdown specials on basic cable. What the fuck, people. Seriously. He's a predator. He can't be retried for this shit, but he can be tried for some of the shit he's been getting away with for the last 15 years. Ugh. I hate sickos.

You Got Served!

I misread the direction on some OTCs. Not Olivia Tremor Controls, Over the Counters. I got some alka seltzer AM/PM liquigels for this cold I have. The directions say not to take the 2 at the same time. I thought that meant not to take them at the same time. Which I didn't. It actually meant to pick whether to do daytime or night time medicating. So at night I took the PM and when I woke up I took the AM. Whoa. My limbs each felt about 80 pounds. I was falling asleep in the shower. It felt like a major workout just to answer the phone. In other words, yeah, pretty fucked up. Maybe I was just that sick and I was in fact taking the OTCs properly. Hm. I blame babies for my cold.

All weekend long I was hholding babies. I'll back up. My sister and best friend/former roommate Angel threw an hilarious 80s hip hop murder mystery party. I invited Natalie, Dave, tIoPand his woman. We were a hot mess of MC Hammer pants (clearly that was me), boom boxes, lines and dollar sign shaved into hair, overalls with straps down, wife beaters, doo rags, cut up t-shirts, chuck taylors, ridculous jewelry and huge sunglasses. I wish I could post some pictures but I only put up pics of me if I am cute in them. (My blog, my rules)

So anyway, some of the people who were in town for the party had their babies which I guess was nice. Most people are really into babies. My friend Shani basically put her daughter into my hands and made me hold her. I must say, that is a ridiculously cute child but I don't know what to do with one of those so I guess I was holding her all crazy. I had her in both hands, at arms length. Shani laughed at me, pressed the child against my chest and swung her legs around. It was not comfortable. As soon as the picture was snapped, I gave her back in a hurry. This kept happening with me and babies. Angel also ended up with a cold so we decided it was from so much interaction with different children. (The kids weren't at the party btw, they were upstairs.)

Now that I've discussed my cold and these babies, let's recap the fun.

On the way there we ran into Natalie and Dave on the train which was awesome. So all 5 of us were able to go together. We got stopped on the street a few times on the way to the house. I take it as a compliment. I'm almost compelled to put up pictures.

The most ridiculous part of the party was the dance off. Oh god, why did I do that? I talk a whole lot of shit that I can't back up. I see myself getting into trouble, hear myself getting into trouble, but I don't shut up. Angel and I were pretending to argue and then I was like "Get your crew! Get your crew! I'm calling a dance off!" In case you don't know this about me...I can't dance. At all. But it was too late. Next thing you know, I am providing my friends with blackmail fodder for years to come. My team lost and it was my fault but the other team cheated. I had an awesome crew and I should give them all a present for being so great...but we lost by 2 points.

The other element of the party was the murder mystery. I wasn't allowed to guess because I was the one who pre-selected the killer. Angel wanted ti to be Slick Rick but I thought that was in poor taste. I made it Doug E. Fresh because he is a Scientologist now and that isn't OK.

So you know that bar I frequent and always have crackhead stories? Leo's? Well we went there after the party. I have talked this place up to tIoP for months now so it was cool to finally get the crew in there. Now, I have always seen it as a refuge for ex pimps, ex hoes, and old heads. You know, the ex player set. Kinda grizzled but still likes to go have a good time somewhere. A girl we met at the party volunteered to drive. We took 2 cars. i was telling her about how the last few times I had been there, t must have been "ladies night" or something because it was crawling with lesbians. She looked at me with confusion. "Well...it's a lesbian bar." Gasp. "You didn't know? I thought you knew." I didn't know. As i thought back it made total sense. TOTAL sense.

For the first time in the history of me going to Leo's, I didn't get harassed outside by a crackhead. Instead, on the way in, some non crackhead dude who was leaving tried to holler. He says "Damn, don't tell me I have to go back in there so I can dance with you. Yeah, you in the red!" I was a bit shocked by this seeing as I was wearing MC Hammer pants, a cut up shirt and ridiculous jewelry. If he had seen me earlier in the evening (dance off), he would want no part of dancing with my silly ass. Funny. So once we met up wth everyone from the other car, I told them about my newfound info about it being a lesbian bar. tIoP was thrilled and no one else was surprised. Dave was the highlight of Leo's. Once he had tired of dancing, he took to fanning random people. I love Dave so much. In fact, I have nothing bad to say about anyone.

Oh My, Look How You've Grown!

What's it been now, a month? Well, I have a shit ton of things to type. I'm not gonna type all of them, just a few.

I may have typed at some point about moving to the upper left hand corner of this country. Well, that's partially in the works. I'll know for sure in September. I will be there for a few days to see my beloved Dr. Dog, visit pals, and get a feel for the city and see if I still want to live there. I have assumed i wanted to for the past 8 years or so but it wasn't based on ever having been there. So we'll see.

It's cool seeing familiar faces. The other night, Jamie, Nataile and I went to see jamie Lidell at the Abbey Pub. Awesome show. Fantastic. there was a girl up front who we remembered seeing at Pitchfork last summer. She was REALLY into him. REEEEAAAALLY into him. I kind of thought something was wrong with her because of the extremity of her smile...even after the show was over. She was still standing in the same spot grinning like a crazy. I liked her though. I like fans of things. I like it when people have a good time at stuff. Also, about that show, best call for an encore ever. We all were singing the refrain from Wait for me "I'm waiting. I'm waiting. I'm waiting oh oh ohhh!", which he had closed with. I much prefer that to the typical "WOO!" for encores. It was awesome. He came back and sang my favorite of his songs, "Game for Fools" and Multiply. I love him. After the show, Jamie and I were trying to remember why we didn't go to this party he invited us to last year but then we remembered and I won't go into it.

In other news of familiar faces, there's this woman who takes the Blue line. Natalie and I used to see her a lot when we lived at Addison Apartment. She once spent 20 minutes on the commute talking to us about possum and she kept saying "opossum" and making me want to die. She also wouldn't shut up despite our conversation ending cues. Sigh. So I saw her on the train. It was staled at my sation and after the announcement, she looked up form her book and said to her seatmate, "You would think they..." blah blah blah. You know how those conversations are. But she woudn't stop taling to the poor woman sitting with her. I really wish Natalie had been there.

In other train news, i got butt pivotted yesterday on the train going home. i went to sit on the inner seat by this one guy and he totally butt pivoted instead of standing up to let me in! I was made to feel better though because when I looked up and across the aisle I saw beloved cousin Kharma sitting there. We tried to give each other evil staredowns but kept laughing. Oh the joy. I wish she would have come to sit by me but the train was crowded. If I move to the upper left hand corner, that will never happen again. Oh the decision for me to make. Oh my.

Friday video: "Buddy" De la Soul

This is the best "Crew" video of all time. It brings a tear to my eye. You know how there are those videos you wsh you had been on the set of? This would be one of those.

Return of the Space Cowboy

It's a been a while since Friday videos. It's pretty much been a while since anything. I have become a highly not prolific blogger. But in honor of my favorite new blog, for obvious reasons besides the fact that I <3 Hat, Lorraine, and JP, here's a video that is super duper 90s. Like unbelievably 90s. Not only that, it has found its way into a Cadillac commercial which is kinda sad but also shows that songs from when I was a kid are now "oldies" because caddys are for older folk. I bring you "Stars" by Hum. May I say the the little "jam" toward the end is probably the 90s-est thing ever?



And this one exemplifies a different 90s but still SOOOO 90s. Unfortunately they cut out part of the song for the video, one of my favorite parts, but still. God, I used to love them. And boy did they tear it up live. Damn! Sadly, I stopped listening to them as much after Stuart Zender left and after the Traveling Without Moving album, which made them famous in these states. Pity that. I give you "Stillness in Time" by Jamiroquai. I could seriously sing this whole album on demand. Boy was that a long time ago and damn was it good.

6 Random Things

Colleen tagged me to do this like a week ago and I am now doing it.

Rules:
* Link to the person that tagged you.
* Post the rules on your blog.
* Share six non-important things/habits/quirks about yourself.
* Tag six random people at the end of your post by linking to their blogs.
* Let each random person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their website.

What's the most unimportant yet terribly present shit about me? My ridiculous fears that are actually kind of rational. Here are six of them

1) Birds - I remember a time, when I was a kid, when pigeons and seagulls and such had a nice healthy fear of humans. Now they will fly right up to you and sit at your table during lunch. They will swoop 4 inches over my head and make me scream and duck like a crazy in the middle of Michigan Avenue... damn birds...

2) Earthworms - Why, just last night after the rain I was walking home and they were everywhere. I was so scaed of stepping on one. I was darting all over the sidewalk avoiding random twigs and spots and anything worm-like. I must have looked stark raving mad. A lunatic I tell you. my heart was racing and I was close to tears. It all started in 3rd grade when I had to walk to CCD class through Ada Park after a huge storm. Worms as far as the eye could see. The grass may as well have been moving. They were fat, they were skinny, they were long, they were short, they were dead, they were crawling and they ALL wanted to get me. Oh the trauma.

3) Walking down a flight of stairs through the middle - I have to hold a railing or at least have a railing in place that I could potentially hold on to. I will fall otherwise. I know it, and I have a huge fear of any sort of plummet. I plummet in my sleep all the time and wake up as I land.

4) ghosts and spirits - yes they are real and yes they are going to get me. so are the demons... May I share a story? Picture it: Chicago 1991. The Exocist 3 is on its way to theaters. I saw a commercial for it one leisurely summer afternoon. "17 years ago, Satan possessed a little girl..." blah blah blah, more commentary, a bay window shatters, and horrid music. I was terrified to the point of near paralysis. It was a commercial. For a lame ass movie with bad special effects. I could not sleep at night. I was that scared. i decided to stop watching TV so I could avoid seeing The Commercial. The only channel I allowed myself to watch was Jukebox because it didn't show commercials. Well what do you know? All of a sudden they start playing commercials. And obviously that one came on out of nowhere. It took a really long time to get over it.

5) churches - see above. I grew up catholic and those churches have tons of ritualistic ornamentation and paintings and statues and sshrines all over the place. Churches are terrifying. If I ever got locked in one alone overnight during a storm with no electricity I would surely be dead by morning. I remember asking my priest in 5th grade if exorcisms were real and if there was really such a thing as a demon. He said yes. I asked if they did exorcisms in churches. He said yes, sometimes. I decided that churches were the stomping grounds for spirits. AUGHHHHH!!!!!!

6) critters - rats, mice, bugs. Jeepers.

I am a mess of ridiculous fears. But at least I think it's funny. but don't go getting any ideas about throwning worms at me or I may have to shoot you.

Lots and Lots

1. CTA seems to be gettting New York's hand-me-downs. We finally have vending machines at the train stations that sell passes and take credit cards. Finally.

2. I can't get into recapping, but people on the train have the dumbest fucking conversations. One quote today, courtesy of some yuppie douche trying to win hipster cred with some girl: "Nah, Franz Ferdinand is totally played out. What do you think of the Fiery Furnaces?" Are you kidding me? Did he read a how-to guide? Wow.

3. I am a jerk. I've been trying not to be so judgmental but... there was a chick on th train. She was hot by typical male standards I think (except she actually had a pretty face which I think men don't care about). Anyway, she was thin, well dressed, kind of foreign looking... I would give her props except for the fact that she was reading a book and moving her lips...a lot. Like a whole lot. It was distracting.

4. Colleen tagged me to do a blog thing which I will do tomorrow.

Now for the fun

I went to see Man Man and Yeasayer last night at Logan Square Auditorium. I missed Yeasayer though because I was sitting on a bench in Logan Square waiting for Morgan. It was fine. I didn't really care about Yeasayer anyway. The critics seem to be fond of them though.

While I was waiting for Morgan, I met a bike gang. they kind of looked like carnies and gypsies so I went over to make friends with them. They offered me beer and whiskey but I don't drink those things. They had all of these awesome bikes and I wanted to ride them. One was this HUGE bike that looked like a cross between a lawnmower and a rickshaw. The guy who made it said he would let me ride it but I was too small :( Instead, this other guy let me ride his chopper. The brakes were like the bikes you had as a kid where you just pedal backwards. Sweet. They told me that they make bikes for people but also teach people to make their own. Soon it was time for me to go because morgan showed up and off we went to see Man Man.

I knew it would be a fun show. They did not disappoint. Their costumes included white daisy dukes, white shirts, white pants, sequined head dresses, sequined capes, an what appeared to be noxema smears on their faces. Some props included an apple, balloons, and kazoos. (see sidebar for Man Man details) For the most part the crowd was friendly. There was this one girl though... she tried to smoke a cigarette next to me. I wasn't having that at all. She tried to get an attitude with me so I was prepared to mix it up with her (hahaha). Luckily for both of us, her friend came over, snatched the cigarette from her, put it out, and threw it in the trash. She then apologized to me several times. HA! Smoking girl kept trying to dance sexy, which she wasn't, and Morgan, this random girl and I laughed. She kind of looked like she was dying but kept tugging her dress over her boobies and showing her panty draws. Also she kept bumping into Morgan but whatever.

I can also say that Man Man are very nice people. Funny too. I'm a fan.


This is pretty funny. Also, listen for clips from their awesome album, "Rabbit Habits"

"And if you're thinking that you may or you might then you're thinking right!"

What have I been up to besides not writing a blog? Well, I have been cutting my hair, which is kind of addictive. I've been eating a ton of food, watching a lot of television and riding my bike. I'm not a fan of writing a blog when i have nothing at all to say, even tough I have done it in the past. I have stuff to say today. How bout that?

I have a thing about answering the door when I'm not expecting anyone. I tend not to do it. I was caught a little off guard yesterday. I was sitting in my bed watching TV and eating when I heard a knock at my door. So there's this asshole blogger who I know who keeps trying to go to war with me via urbandictionary.com, facebook and photoshop. It's only medium funny. This asshole blogger is very much a 6 year old although he denies kicking me in the shins when we were at karaoke. Earlier in the day, said asshole blogger kept threatening to come over to my house. There was an unexpected knock at my door and I thought it was him so I turned off the TV and the lights and pretended not to be home. Silly me. Turning shit off that had previously been on makes it obvious that you are at home. The person at the door said in some creepy fake voice "Housekeeping" and I knew it wasn't asshole blogger, but in fact Malcolm. I was very relieved and I let him in.

With certain friends, you always end up strolling down memory lane with them. I have known Malcolm since kindergarten but we have been friends since we were 20. Both of us are a lot happier with ourselves now than we were at 20 but I'm not sure I disagree with his statement yesterday that that was the best year of our life. I wonder if people find it offensive when you say stuff to them like "Same old Maggie" or "Phil, you havn't changed a bit". We've all changed a lot. We haven't aged really, but we have certainly changed. Well...most of us have. We spent a good portion of the night looking at my photo albums and marvelling at how young we were. I might have been a little bit pissed when Malcolm commented on how long my hair used to be and how my now short hair ages me a little. I guess i'm not TOO offended. (You should see how long HIS hair used to be.) The day before, he had gone to visit some of the former Crows Nest kids and they just happened to have yet another photo album from back in the day. Oh... the Crow's Nest. Those were certainly the days. I didn't work there but most of my firends did so I was always around. Most of us went to the same college too. Ben always said I should have been on the payroll. Oh, that Ben.

So yeah, one awesome thing about Malcolm is his appreciation for my childhood. It is a good thing we weren't friends until we were grown ups because we would have never left the house. We would have sat in the house playing video games, watching TV and eating novelty snacks. (I think if Hostess Choco-Bliss ever came back, we would be in trouble.) Last night we spent a good amount of time watching TV show openings on youtube and singing along. If you don't remember the opening theme for The Tracy Ullman Show on Fox, I suggest you look into it. I was reminded (remound) of last year when we were sitting in his hospital room singing "Just the 10 of Us" and "Mr. Belvedere" at top volume and the people across the hall from us shut the door. Good old Malcolm. See? This is why I get so upset when we get in fights and stop being friends with each other. Speaking of that... Anthony will be here tomorrow. I can not WAIT!


Tracy Ullman is last.

Spicey Wobitz

Seriously, from now on, whenever I need a boost of confidence, I am going down to the Area Five Police Headquarters Circuit Court. We had to go yesterday to see that justice was served and that "Paisan", as Rose and I have christened him, went to jail... or something. Oh the characters...including our motley crew. Let's begin with us: Jamie decided to go with a black collared housewife dress, knitted shawl and pearls. All she needed was a martini and a vaccum. Rose went for 10th grade creative writing teacher in a green blouse with white polka dots, black cardigan and tan skirt. Oh, and pearls. I looked like myself, but like myself when I don't look homeless. Striped sweater, crisp polo, corduroy skirt, green velcro buster browns, huge Harry Caray sunglasses, ridiculous earrings... yeah. Like myself. Dave looked like himself too. He had on his traditional vest, slacks, tie and glasses. I was very pleased with us. So was everyone else. They were staring appreciatively :). Paisan and his dad looked like some chumps. Which they are. Most of the people were sort of fucked up but there were worse offenders than others.

When we were called for our case, we walked out to the hall to confer with the prosecuter, who was teetering on the brink of hotness. In contrast, Paisan's lawyer looked like a cross between The Naked Trucker and offensive Italian stereotype. His wedding ring was a) huge b) orangeish c) looked like it was from a gumball machine. He had a friendly enough face but since he was on the wrong side, he was subject to our ridicule. Unlike the hot-ish prosecuter who I suspect might have been a douche, but since he was on the right side, his smirk and strut were charming. I'm like 91% sure he's actually a douche.

Who else... OK, the public defender. He was hil-AR-ious. He had this one defendant who needed a translator. The judge and the translator were talking to the defendant and the public defender's eyes kept widening humorously. Apparently, he had no idea that his client was going to do and say the stuff he was doing/saying...via the translator. It was so outrageous in fact, that the judge said to him "Is your client mentally competent" "Well... I thought so until about a minute and a half ago." HAHAHAHAHA After the case he kept shaking his head in disbelief. He was kind of like your uncle at the BBQ who has awesome stories to tell about super irrelevant shit but you love his opinion.

The whole court staff was a mess though. The judge with his sarcastic asides, the flustered translator with her outfit that wouldn't stay put, the lady that kept announcing the cases kept dropping files and handing out the wrong ones and whispering to people, the prosecuters with their private jokes... Some of the defendants were a trip. This one kid, he looked about 19, was sentenced to "Successful completion of drug school." His response? "Cool." He was wearing a puffy jacket and some sort of 1/2 backpack 1/2 satchel that looked like it was free at a Cubs game. His haircut bewildered us all. We weren't sure if it was bed head or if he requested that someone do that to him. Wow.

And the honorable mention goes to the chick who walked into court looking a hot mess and carrying a huge mirror. She looked like one of the Belmont trash we used to kick out of starbux back in the day. At first we thought she might be a dude but no. She was lady folks.

To celebrate, we went to Baba Reba(sp) and to the Aroma Workshop. I got to name Dave's new fragrance but he came up with the spelling. Spicey Wobitz.

Oh Rexy, You're SO Sexy

I cut all my hair off. I might as well have been in the bathroom at a record store in 1996 with The Cranberries playing in the background, anticipating the arrival of "Rex Manning". God. I hope I don't regret it but so far people are liking it. I've felt like quite the badass today even though I'm not one at all. I have to be in court tomorrow and come across as the complete opposite of a badass and what do I do? I cut all my hair off. What's more, I'm gonna cut some more when I get home. Call me Scissor Happy Jack!

I told beloved friend Jody that I was gonna write a creepy blog today about how much I love her but that will have to wait until after I do "Four Things" as Lost in CO has requested :)

Four Jobs I have had in my life:
Starfucker (as in working in Hell, aka Starbux, not being a professinal groupie)
Computer Lab Assistant
Media Relations Coordinator
Music Analyst

Four Movies I would watch/have watched over and over:
Coming to America
But I'm A Cheerleader
A Christmas Story
I'm Gonna Git U Sucka


Four Places I have lived:
Chicago, Illinois
New York, New York
Jacksonville, Illinois (Japan)
A van down by the river (Lisle, Illinois)

Four TV Shows that I watch:
Top Chef
South Park
America's Next Top model
30 Rock

Four Places I have visited:
I haven't been anywhere but Canada and 46 of our 50 states

Four People who email me regularly:
Blogger
Jeff
Colin
Facebook

Four Favorite Foods:
Mac n Cheese
Chicken Curry
Monica's Famous Collard Greens
White Castle

Four Places I would like to be right now:
In bed
Camping
With Mommy
New York

Four Things I am looking forward to this year:
PNW
NYC
Music festivals
Wyoming

On to Jody. Who I love. Who I want to hug and who says she wants to bite my face. Whenever I see an Olive Garden commercial, I choke up a little and think about our ridiculous pretend dates. "Hey baby, I'mma treat you right! We're going to Olive Garden." And go we did. Across state lines even. On multiple occasions. The best ever was the time at karaoke when we sang "Mad About You" and "Love the One You're With" together and everyone thought we were this cute couple. Yeah...we like boys. But we love each other a lot. Hence, the creepy blog I am writing about her. I love you J-GO! I'll be there soon for a vist, a hug, and arm in arm frolicking through Brooklyn.

Top Chef

Hm... haven't had much to say in some time. Still kinda don't. I'm kind of traumatized by food at the moment... still... but I love televised cooking competitions. I'm watching Top Chef. Here are some early impressions.

Spike - HOT(ish) and a bit(lot) assy. But I like him.

Mark - a cross between Bret and Murray from Flight of the Conchords

Erik - seems like an awesome fella. Quote of the year "Dude, I made nachos...nachos."

Dale - did he go to grade school with me? he didn't but...did he?

Andrew - hilarious. hilariously spastic. but hilarious.

Nicky - reminds me of a woman at work who has always been very sweet toward me but is apparently not the best person.

Valerie - reminds me of Rachel Dratch (Debbie Downer). I fear for her in this competition.

I bored of the competitors beyond these few. On to the judges.

Padma - so so pretty... so so stoned

Tom - I think we would get along famously

Wiley DeFresne was on tonight!

I don't like when Anthony Bourdain isn't on. I want to be BFF with him.

I'm bored again.

Peace

Death Does Not...repeat NOT Become Me

First, let us never forget the tragic events of 8/8/2002. For those who care, you may take a moment to remember Moti Mahal, and its residence at Belmont and Kenmore across from Belmont apartment. I'm glad they had to close. Boo fucking hoo. They tried to kill me. But that was years ago. Let's talk about today.

Every superhero has a weakness. Mine is one that everyone has to know about for my own safety, but is dangerous in the wrong hands. Food allergies. I'm allergic to a little of everything, a lot of some things. Sigh. I'll start the story off fluffy.

The thing about new friends is that it's hard to say no to them. You always want to hang out with them. They haven't become old friends yet. You don't want them to go away. It's always gonna be more fun to do what they're doing. Etc etc etc. So I made a plan to go walking around with New Friend. We were gonna go to this one cafe and play Monopoly too but it was closed. So we were walking around and were talking about food but I wasn't hungry at all. Since the alternative was going home, and I didn't feel like it yet, I suggested we go to El Cid. I can always manage to eat a burrito. I ordered a burrito with no beans. When the waitress forgot what I ordered and came back to confirm, I reiterated: No Beans. I don't feel the need to complete the story in too much detail. You know what happened, otherwise I wouldn't be upset right now. Yeah, I ate a mouthful of burrito with beans in it. Well, I didn't "eat" it. I spit it out and went into a panic. Believe me, even though I spit it out, just being in my mouth was sufficient to cause me some damage. My mouth was burning and swelling and I was concentrating all of my energy on not crying and trying to convince myself to PLEASE not swell up too bad. Mild success on that. Mild.

I just remembered. A few weeks ago I went to Arturo's and ordered a gordita with no beans. I was watching them behind the counter look at the finished order, talk to each other, look at again, shrug and come over to me. The waitress plunks it down in front of me and says "No beans." There were beans on the mother fucker. Listen. I don't like to have to tell people "I am ALLERGIC! You will KILL ME!" I don't want to have to do that. I want people to just listen to what I say, and get it right. And for the love of god, don't try to put one over on me. It's my life! At least at El Cid, they didn't try to trick me. They made a mistake and owned up to it. Not that I'm cool with it, but at least I can respect their honesty. I guess I got too comfortable not living in constant fear of death. Welcome back paranoia!

If I sound like I am exaggerating, ask Natalie what I looked like in the ambulance after the tragic events of 8/8/02. She might have been just as traumatized as me and I was the one dying. You ever see the film "Mask"? Yeah like that. And I ain't talking about Cher. (I have 4 other similar stories but I do not have the emotional wherewithal to go into it)

Apparently, tonight they mixed up my and someone else's order and so I got a beany burrito. I didn't die. The swelling has gone down. My throat isn't all fucked up anymore... but I'm angry and traumatized. I'm not suing anyone. I'm fine now. I need to just stay inside my house at all times and only eat food that I cook myself. It stinks to know exactly how you are probably going to die one day and that it hurts a lot.

Yet Another Complex: Napoleon

I feel like there is a conspiracy to make me beat someone up. I am really really bad at beating up, mind you. I will not go into the details of why I can no longer say "I've never been in a fight" but suffice it to say, when I try to beat people up and kill them, it doesn't work. Also, I am fine and no one hit me or anything but I feel like a failure as a superhero. Aaaaaaaanyway. So yeah, this conspiracy to get me to beat someone up....

I don't want to be thought of as a hothead or someone who's out there "lookin for trouble" but damn! People are asking for it! Just this morning, I was on my way to work and i tried unsuccessfully to cross the street. As I headed back to the supposed safety of the curb, some dude who looked like either a college sophomore or an intern at a low level production company, just walks right into me. It kinda hurt. He kept walking. I said "Yes, you're excused" and he turned around and smiled, then kept going. WTF? Sigh. A few days ago, some hurrying older gentleman was walking behind me and kicked me in the foot. When I turned around he rushed around me. Seriously, if you arre in a hurry and need to get past me, just say "Excuse me" and go. You don't have to kick me in the foot...bitch...

In defense of the masses who assault me regularly, I am apparently in the way quite a bit. Why just the other day I was walking around with this box at an awkward angle and hitting people with it. Completely oblivious. It had to be pointed out to me, when I kept mentioning that everyone wanted to kick my ass, that I was hitting them with my box. Well they should have said something rather than just look at me like they wanted to kill me. Shit, I would have said something. I think I might be turning into one of those aggro meathead assholes... Whatever, I'm short.

I'm gonna play a video because it has been a while. Sit back and enjoy a steaming mug of the 1990s with me.



Tripping Daisy - I Got A Girl

Damn it feels good to be a gangsta

There is construction going on on a house next to the Mormon church by where I live. Nothing disturbing about that. There are often construction workers hanging out and drinking beers on their breaks. Nothing disturbing about that. Sometimes they are working around 7am when I am walking to the train. Nothing TOO disturbing about that. A little sad to be at work so early but I guess it isn't disturbing. There is a porto-let out front. Hm. kinda disturbing. Porto-lets creep me out and i refuse to use them but hey, the workers gotta go, right? This morning as I walked to the train, past said porto-let, some dude was stepping out of it, with a newspaper tucked under his arm. That is fucking disturbing. Weird. Also, there was fresh snow on the ground.

On the way from the train to my office, I got into a stare down with some bitch ass yuppie dumb fuck. It was awesomely funny. I was descending the stairs from Wabash to Rush on Illinois. I was going very slowly because the steps had ice on them and I am clumsy. Boy was I going slow. Then a group of assholes began ascending the stairs. When reached an impasse, this one guy stopped right in front of me. So I stopped too. He stared. I stared back. We stared some more. He widened his eyes to communicate to me that he expected ME to get out of HIS way. I thought he had to be kidding. Never mind that I was on those stairs before they were. Never mind that I was going down and being careful and they were hustling on up. Never mind any of that. The rest of his group was uncomfortable and they pressed ahead. Not fella. Fella wanted to prove a point I guess. Sadly for Fella, he had no point to prove. So, as if speaking to one of the dumb kids, because obviously I was, I said, "Goooo arooooouuuund". He looked taken aback and like he was searching for a retort...but he was one of the dumb kids. He went around. After completing my slow descent and landing safely on freshly salted sidewalk, I had to laugh like hell. That shit was funny. No one beats me at stare downs. No one.

"I think my toes are jealous of my fingers because they get to point at things."

I found this awesome website, "Garfield Minus Garfield" It is genius forr many reasons. I mean, in a sense, it's what was happening anyway. Considering John couldn't hear Garfield's thoughts...or could he. Maybe WE'RE the crazy ones because we can't hear our cat's thoughts and interact with said thoughts... Spooky. Here are a few of my favorites but please, go to the website.

Oh Do Di Oh

Turns out I'm selfish... Who knew! Actually, I don't think selfish is the appropriate word. Maybe self-centered is more like it. Let's start over.

Turns out I'm self-centered... Who knew!

When bad things happen to other people, things that technically have nothing to do with me, I think about how they affect my life before theirs and respond thusly. Bad things that happened to people yesterday made me sad. I don't know that this is sadness I have a right to. Similar to the nostalgia I have no right to (Don't get me started on those 60s/early 70s, boy... I talk about shit like I was there and I wasn't even a thought or a glimmer in my parents' eyes yet.) Sometimes, I am able to disguise my self-centered sadness as empathy and feeling. It isn't untrue either, it is just a bit skewed and probably in the wrong order. Unfortunately on some occasions, I am questioned as to why I am upset and I tell the truth in the wrong order and am looked at unfavorably. Something tells me this is no big deal and that it's totally regular and most people are this way, but whenever I think that is the case about some personality "thing" of mine, I find out that I am wrong and am actually a bit of a nut... or a very bad person. Hmmmm in this case, i think I'm OK. Not a jerk.

In other news of ways I annoy myself, for the love of Bea, could I please stop being obsessed with a) my sanity and lack thereof. b) my stupid eyes/face. c) the way I am perceived by others... it is not in my nature to care and I care more than ever. UGH. d) my failings as a human being. e) my own awesomeness; no one likes an asshole.

I need a snack.

The Best Sex Pill in the 2am Basic Cable Markets!

I can no longer stand the sound of the word "larger". This ExtenZe commercial keeps coming on Comedy Central and the spokespeople keep saying it and all of these other "wink wink nudge nudge" and giggly "fake vague" reference to penises. It's fucking annoying. Almost as annoying as my inability to fall asleep without infomercials or Comedy Central reruns in the background. Sigh. You know what though? Zyrexin, let's call it a companion product, has a WAY funnier commercial. Instead of saying "larger" all the damn time, they keep saying "sex pill". Fuuuuun-ny.

Pee Wee's Big Adventure

This is the first time I have ever been happy, rather than uninterested or irritated by some new baby. Sorry, it's no offense, just how I am. It is nothing against your baby, other relatives... but I am very happy about this one. Actual legitimate Monica being happy about some baby. So my cousin Francis was born today. Her name is Francis! I can't wait for her to be old enough to appreciate it when I irritatingly say "Fran-cis!" Maybe I will call her Frank... I wonder why I am happy. I wonder if it is because Franks' parents are two of my favorite people in the world and I know how much they wanted her to show up. I will take them cigars as soon as I can but not the kind you actually smoke because that is disgusting.

In other news, I got a tandem bike today! Oh the possibilities with it and The [obnoxious] Hollering Assholes! I can see all of the photos now. And the parades! My god, the parades. It needs one new tire though... I think it's high time we got a new album cover and some new liner notes. Now if you will excuse me, I have to sit and wait for Spring to arrive.

Oh look, an eclipse.

Sugar and Spice and Everything Nice

Tomorrow I am going to see Jesus Christ Superstar with Natalie and Tony. Should be good times. Good good times. Corey Glover, who you remember from "Weird Black Kids" band, Living Colour and who is the oft rumoured son of Danny Glover...he isn't, has taken on the role of Judas. Sweet. We have really terrible seats it seems, but it's opening night of a much loved musical.

What else... what else. Oh, I'm curious as to whether people find this funny. Yeah that's my last name which, until recently had no specific definition. Well... I don't think it's that funny (it's only kinda funny) but I bet the person responsible, a real pork rind of a fellow, thinks it is. Similarly, or maybe not similarly at all, I was given this award from Danielle:

See? I told you I was a nice person. I'm a very nice person...and that matters. When I fuck shit up, hey, at least I am a nice person, right? It's almost like I have a built in roll of Mentos to show people no matter what. Thanks Danielle. I think you are nice too. She gave it to five people. I'm not sure if I am also supposed to give it to five people but I am gonna.

1) Sling because he is always nice to me and tries to convince me that I'm not crazy. HA HA We should totally sit on the porch one day and drink root beer.

2) Citizen of the World who is also nice enough to have tried to convince me that I'm not crazy. And she is a professional so there. Uh-oh, looks like a theme is developing. One where I look crazy. Time to change it up.

3) Lorraine who is nice enough to eventually be making me a tasty dessert. I think I'll be on that coast in September. I like the direction of this. Snacks. Tasty tasty snacks.

4) Natalie who is nice enough to make me snacks a lot... crap. I am portraying myself as a hog beast who only cares about free food. Time to change it up again. Natalie, like me, is often mistaken for not being nice. We're both very nice people. Shut up! it's true.

5) The Idea of Progress who is mean... Heh.

Before I go, things that are good today include
-my awesome free lunch because the place I went didn't take credit cards
-my awesome argyle socks
-my awesome vision and no longer hurting eyes
-my awesome glasses I am having fit with non Rx lenses

Oh! One more anecdote. So this Staurday i was at a bar listineing to a story form a friend about a fight she was in. I told her I had never been in one. And she was like "Oh yes you have...and you won." Obviously I was very confused. Apparently I am intimidating and people who have perhaps wanted to fight me, changed their mind because i am so scary. HAHAHAHAHAHAAHA And the person who said this was a big and burly girl...you know, tough. That is hysterical. I explained that my defense strategy in fights is to run home.

Peek-a-Boo

I can laugh about it when I am pathetic but not until it's over. Man... I was pathetic on Saturday. I was crawling around my apartment, in the dark, with my eyes shut, knocking shit over, attempting to dial phone numbers by feeling for the correct keys, looking for non existent OTC pain stuffs, and crying... actually weeping is more like it. yes, weeping. But hey, I now have 20/20 vision in both eyes and am told it will be even better once I am all healed. I am now able to laugh at my patheticness. I will also assert that Lasik eye surgery is traumatic... and it is not for the weak, like me. But i'm glad I can see without glasses. It's kind of cool.

Here's the horrid part. So they put drops in your eyes to numb the eyeball...but that does nothing for the pain of what's coming. Then they tape your eyelids back so you cant blink. Then you realize the numbing of the eyeballs, only numbs the eyeballs and does nothing to prepare you for the pain of them clamping a thing over it, yelling "suction" and your eye being sucked out of your head, rendering you blind for 3 seconds before going under the laser and the faint smell of rotting bacon. I still feel a painful eye throb whenever i hear the word "suction". I don't know that this will ever go away. The laser itself didn't hurt and was actually a relief from the pain of prepping for the laser. There was that rancid bacon smell though... So after the laser, you feel some type of liquid flooding into your eye socket and then you see weird shapes coming toward you. After a second, you realize those weird shapes are actually surgical utensils digging around in our eye. It's almost funny because one of those utensils can only be described as an "eye squeegie"... which makes the liquid flooding in something of an "eye windex". Hilarious. One of the surgeons gave me a stuffed frog to hold onto during the procedure which was cute.

They tell you to go home and go to sleep for 3-4 hours after the surgery. What they ought to do though, is give you a sleeping pill, because if you aren't able to fall asleep before the pain kicks in, forget about it. I wasn't in pain at first becuase my eyes were still numb, but as soon as it wore off, that was when the patheticness kicked in. I have never experienced pain like that in my life. Seriously, the only pain I really can even relate to is a headache. And headaches are so rare that I don't even have any regular ass tylenol at home. Oh silly me. Silly silly me. If you could see the ensuing hilarity of me crawling around looking for shit in the dark with my eyes shut and tears streaming and leaving a trail of disaster in my wake... wow. Not so good. So I realized I was gonna need some assistance. I crawled around and located my phone and tried twice, unsuccessfully, to call my brother before I finally reached him. he said he would come and pick me up and try to help me through this dark time. I actually managed to fall asleep for a while and then the brother showed up and took me to his house. I fell asleep. When I woke up, I was able to open my eyes and look around. There was still hurting but I was able to deal with it.

I now have some sweet goggles that I have to wear for the next two weeks while I'm sleeping, some hilarious sunglasses reminiscent of the "Blu-Blockers" commercials from the early 90s (My name is Geek I put em on as a shocker. Man I love these blu-blockers...) that I have to wear outside, and a shit ton of drops I have to use multiple times per day. At my follow up appointment the next morning, I found out I already have 20/20 vision in both eyes, I'm healing ahead of schedule, and my eyesight will get even better. Good times.

I can tell by the mark you left you were in his dream...

Yes. I love The Grateful Dead. Yes I do. Always will. That's right. What? You know what else? If I hear "Scarlet Begonias" I will stop whatever I'm doing to sing along and do choreography. So there.

I was at Furthur Festival a lot of years ago and accidentally started crying. I think I am kind of a wuss sometimes. The problem was that The Other Ones played every single song I wanted to hear. Don't get me wrong, it was a fantastic show and I had a great fucking time but it was weird. I believe the exact moment I lost it was during St. Stephen as fella started in with "Lady finger dipped in moonlight, writing 'what for?' across the morning sky". All I could think was "That isn't Jerry Garcia" and I creepily started crying. But then I got over it and in usual Monica fashion, went back to singing along with every song and dancing around badly like an asshole.

One day I asked Natalie, who likes them a lot but not as much as I wanted her to, whether she liked Bob or Jerry songs better. She said she didn't know the difference. That sort of made me happy because it gave me an opportunity to play everything I had for her so that she would know the difference. (Phil singing "Box of Rain" is sometimes my favorite song on earth though.) We had awesome, huge windows in the living room that faced out onto Belmont and we stood in them doing asshole dances to "American Beauty", one of my favorite albums of all time. I still don't think Natalie knows the difference but who really cares? She doesn't. I'm just a freak and wanted her to like them as much as I did. I'm such a freak in fact, that I forced my little sister to learn "Ripple" after she lost a bet so that she could love it as much as me. She never really did though. At all. My mother did. Her album of choice was "Anthem of the Sun", which made me plenty happy. I enjoyed coming home to find her jamming to some "Alligator", a song with a kazoo, my instrument.

Favorite Dead related memory ever: Rat Dog played a show at The Vic in uh... '02? One of my friends who worked there told me he couldn't get me into the show because I didn't tell him soon enough in advance that I wanted to go, which was a huge lie. If you were friends with me, you knew I intended to be there. Also the show was sold out and since I had been planning to get in free, I hadn't bought a ticket. I was pissed. Later that day, I randomly met some fella who worked for Bob Weir. I swear on seven religious texts that I had no reason to know that but I knew it. Something told me that I should bring up wanting to go to that show but not having a ticket, which I did. He said "Oh, you couldn't get tickets? I can put you on my guest list!" He told me I could bring one of my friends with me and to just give my name at the door. I took beloved Henry and almost teared up a bit during "Sugar Magnolia" but my friend who didn't get me into the show came out of nowhere and picked me up way in the air which freaked me out and snapped me out of my stupidness.

As much as I hate to admit it because on occasion it embarrasses me to no end, I think no group of musicians has ever been as important to me as The Grateful Dead. Why? I don't know, just are. I can't imagine a time when that won't be true either which is really sad for obvious reasons. So yeah here's a Friday video. You know what? Here's two.


"The Other One" - The Grateful Dead


"Ripple" - The Grateful Dead

You've Won This Battle, Arch Nemesis...

My arch nemesis was on TV again last night. AGAIN! Ugh. I'm sick of him dirtying up Project Runway. And even just speaking regularly he sounds like a dead bug. I should send Huey Lewis after him. He owes me one, after all.



Oh, did I mention that the site is up? Because it is. Yesterday I was at Jewel, a local grocer, and a little ditty was playing. I found myself singing along but didn't know why. It was so familiar! Then I realized. It was him. It was Huey Lewis singing "Walking on a Thin Line". I looked around and others were kind of humming along too. That's the power of love.

Natalie? This One's All You

I haven't done a Friday video in some time. Also, I have been super pissed about having lost my two best friends. I had the nerve to complain and whine and bitch about having no friends which is totally rude and untrue. It was pointed out to me by Natalie that I have tons of friends and people who "love" me and the hell with Anthony (Me and Malcolm are cool again). So in honour of Natalie telling me to shape up, and for continuously being a great friend who I accidentally take very much for granted a lot of the time, I am dedicating my Friday videos to her.

This is our song. Everyone loves it or has loved it but they act like they don't or never did. Not only do I still love it, I have the whole album it is from (I have a lot of albums with that distinction though...) and believe it or not, there is one other good song on it. So this is Natalie's and my karaoke duet staple. It always kills. Don't ask me why. Better yet, ask. The answer is because we rule and everyone likes this song even though they pretend not to. So there. I was really jealous of the hat in this video and wanted one a lot. As I watch this, I think to myself that I kind of used to look like a hatless Linda Perry with a different face and it is mildly embarrassing but I miss my nose being pierced. Ugh...90s.

Here is "What's Up?" by 4 Non Blondes


For my other selection, also dedicated to Natalie, I must reference "Monica and Natalie's Big Dumb Red State Band." This is a band we started outside of our old office one day while waiting for my sister to pick us up. There was this asshole who walked by wearing a blazer that was way too small on purpose, pants that were way too small on purpose, chuck taylors, haircut #5 and had deliberately tragic 90s posture. There were a lot of those fuckers walking around free then and their numbers have grown but they aren't Emo anymore. They have a new name. Bleh. We wrote a song about him called "Emo Boy" which was to the tune of this next video. Man I really love this band to this day.

Here is "Punk Rock Girl" by The Dead Milkmen


Happy Friday.

Hey Baby, is that an award you're giving me or are you just sending me signals?

That title is basically for Jamie. I bet she will never read it though. HAHA



CS gave me this award. I rather like that CS. She seems cool and is a Quaker. You should read her blog. Now I get to give it to 10 people. They are in no specific order. According to CS, recipients of this award are to give it to 10 people as well and it can be people who have gotten it already.

1. Obviously Natalie, because she is my local best friend. Oh, and also her blog is good. She likes Of Montreal a lot and likes to type about them. I like to read the things she types. Often she types about me and that is also good. I am insane.

2. Then of course there is Colleen who has the rare distinction of writing a blog I am kinda jealous of. To make up for it, I win at Scrabble a lot but she's tall... See? There's always something. But she's swell and you should read her blog. She may have mentioned me once or twice :)

3. Citymouse is likes to protest and is a hippie. Heh heh... She isn't really a hippie I just like saying that about her. She is such a damn sweetheart and I don't see her often enough. It was good that time I did though. We ate food and romped about. Good times. One day we will manage to get to Moody's. She wrote stuff about me once. (see where this is going? LOL)

4. Auld Hat... oh my friend the Hat. Who else can I call about my ridiculousness, listen to her ridiculousness, decide I'm not that ridiculous after all? Well, Natalie but that's not the point. Auld Hat is the shit. Her blog is great. She's written nice things about me. OK, I'm gonna stop doing that now. I'm getting on my own nerves.

5. Urban Chick - Another tall one. I'm telling you... From Diva Does Dinner back in the 90s to 2008... Our running joke is that we always have to flee the scene after some accidental wrongdoing. I love her. I can't wait to hit up the east coast again and see her.

6. Lorraine - She's "LORRAINE" for crying out loud. Lorraine. You heard me? And you know what? When I go to Seattle she promised to make pie. And not pie with hot fruit...because she listens :)

7. More Cowbell - She's got a mouth on her. I pretty much think she is the shit. And hysterical! She's full of zest, that one. You for sure want her to be on your side if you are getting into a fight.

8. Chatty Knitter - Ummm I don't know shit about football. She talks a lot about football. Se might speak of other sports teams as well. I wouldn't know the difference. HAHA. But she's super fun and I need to eat dinner at her house more often. She is hella fun to take to Belle and Sebastian concerts too.

9. Sageweb should be my friend. She has asthma and is funny and loves dogs. Her blog is really funny, son.

10. I would give this last one to a certain friend of mine who knows who she is but her blog is a secret. Instead I will give it to Querida who doesn't type her blog anymore it seems but who is my favorite lady blogger, possibly the smartest person I know, and has been my best friend since 4th grade. We don't talk much anymore unless one of our favorite authors dies which is funny because I was just thinking today how I wish Kurt V. was still alive and how I hope Tom R. doesn't die any time soon.

So there it is. Have fun with your awards.

Now the world don't move to the beat of just one drum...

I'm pretty sure people have leafletting down to a science. Much the way I have panhandling down to a science. See, I don't panhandle. But if I ever ask a random person on the street for anything at all, they give it to me. Why? I don't know so maybe it isn't worked out to a "science" per se. But it always works. Not so much with people I know but randoms...for sure. Anyway, so on with the leafletting. So I'm standing on the train platform and there's this guy who is running for judge passing out little personal plugs. I was watching him as he seemed to carefully select who would be getting one and I was curious as to his rhyme and reason. He walked past many a folk to deliver his plugs to very specific seeming people. I did not get one. I wonder if he assumed that my Black ass wasn't planning to vote. Or maybe he didn't want MY vote. Or who knows. Hilarious.

Oh man, the White Rastafarians from back in the 90s "Hey are you a writer? Are you an artist?" I think I was friends with two of them but maybe they just wanted me to buy a paper, which I never did. I hear they were really really persistent with some people. I have also heard other things... Children's International and Greenpeace also have people on the street deliberately targeting potential donors. I think they have it worked out to a science also but not a "who's gonna give me money" type of science. It's more of a "who can I pretend to be hitting on that will be receptive" type of thing. Like how certain groups have certain targets that they KNOW will go for them no matter what? Hm... if you know about my coffee table book, you know about some of this but I'm not in the mood to lose any friends right now so I'll save it for later. HA!

Speaking of losing friends... I have now lost both Anthony and Malcolm. I find this devastating. I don't know how I can go on. But I lost them both over THEM being bad friends and THEM being stupid and not me so hell with them... Anthony: We're finished because I wouldn't get off of my other line and talk to him on the phone instead. He said if I didn't talk to him, that's it. Obviously I didn't talk to him because you don't order me around like that. BS. So it turned out he was for real. How could he have been for real???? But he was. Hell with him. Best friend my ass. Blood brothers my ass. Malcolm: We're finished because I told him how bad a friend he was and gave him an opportunity to be a good one and he didn't take it. I am livid. But at the same time I am sad. So so sad. I've known him since kindergarten and it's all down the drain.

I got an award from CS (see sidebar) that I have to redistribute. I will do it later today I think.

So Long Seku, Good-bye Wren

Natalie (see sidebar) dedicated a post on her blog to me... sorta. So I will dedicate one to her...sorta. Cuz we're both really really 90s. I'm the 90s-est person ever. I am so so SO 90s. I can't stop listening to The Olivia Tremor Control. Here's the part where I dedicate this to Natums. I bet she would like them a lot. I don't know if she ever listened to them but she would like them I think. She is really 90s and loves Elephant 6 bands as much as I do. (She may love Of Montreal more than me) I spent the other day listening to Neutral Milk Hotel just to tie it all together. Sigh... 90s. Sigh... If I could somehow manage to stop listening to old non existent bands, I could start updating the "Pumping on Your Stereo" section on the sidebar over there. I would like for it to only contain currentness but... I kind of don't care about it. Um...newness, let's see... I kind of like a few current artists but mostly they sound like a lot of bands that grew to popularity in '06 and '07, who I listened to for a minute, and then retreated into the 90s... man... shoot! Why can't I come up with anything! I'm usually the go to person on music stuffs. Yesterday, Colleen (see sidebar) made fun of me for listening to Lisa Lisa and Cult Jam... 80s/90s. I am so 90s... BTW, "Hideaway" by OTC is one of the greatest songs ever. I am also quite partial to "Jumping Fences". Natalie and I were also discussing shows we would pay exorbitant amounts of money to go see. Well, I would pay stupid lots of dollars to see a full Elelphant 6 festival. It would be a 90s wonder.