part 2

OK the thing that is bothering me the most about this grave robbing shit... If you think about when and why that cemetery was founded, that tells you about the times. Burr Oak was where Blackfolk went to get buried because that's where they were allowed. These are vintage folk of color who are buried there. These are people who dealt with the worst life had to offer because they were Black in Chicago in the long ago. And then they get to be subjected to indignity in death.

I called my mother and come to find out her grandfather and a bunch of her ants are buried there. I figured it ran deeper than just my two grandparents. My other two grandparents (mommy's parents) and all of my aunts (mommy's sisters) are buried elsewhere at a Catholic cemetery. i would just die if i had to picture my mother, who is the only person left from her immediate family, traipsing all over a graveyard looking for headstones of her ENTIRE FAMILY... which unfortunately some people are doing. And oh sick sickness... the baby area of Burr Oak cemetery is nowhere to be found. All those people looking for desecrated baby graves.

I hope these mother fuckers get their brains eaten by zombies in prison.

i'm going camping. no news or anything for 3 days.

i hope there is a zombie uprising

when my brother and sister and i were kids, like many other kids, we used to hold our breath if we drove past a cemetery so that we wouldn't inhale souls and get possessed. (we also used to hold our breath if we drove over a bridge but i don't know if we had any reason besides fun...)

when i was older and passed cemeteries, i would always think, "this is a finite space. people die constantly. hmmmmm."

so by now almost everyone knows about burr oak cemetery in chicago were hundreds of graves were dug up and plots resold. it has been called a "crime against the dead", which...i mean if that's how you feel, sure. but it's not. those people are dead. they are just fine. what it is is a crime against the living. the bereaved. financially and morally this is a crime against every single person who has ever been hurt by the loss of cared one. every person who watched a cared one lowered finally into the ground. and at a time like this, you can't help but relive it. that is the kicker portion of any memorial: the burial. you can hold it together for a whole funeral but the moment you get to that grave site... it's a wrap. tears. well, for lots of people anyway.

two of my grandparents are (were????) buried at burr oak. my father's parents died a few months apart in 1996 when i was a senior in high school. i hate that people have tried to lay guilt on the families of people whose graves have been desecrated based on the criminals' selection process. apparently they sought out graves of dead people who didn't get a lot of visitors. wow. how DARE someone take it upon itself to judge and penalize the way someone else handles their grief? not that anyone is owed an explanation but you never know what circumstances exist. personally, i have never visited a grave in my life. what am i supposed to accomplish at a grave that i can't accomplish from home? many people feel differently. that proximity and symbolism are too much for me. you can have the exact same "conversation" from home that you can have talking to what, a headstone? but i am not judging. this is how i feel. no excuse for someone to dig up my grandparents...if that is what happened. i don't know yet.

i hope the people responsible pay HANDILY for what they did. Not in the monetary sense but in the sense where it counts. i hope they are debilitatingly miserable with guilt forever. more later, i gotta go to bed. it's 5am.

Mountain City part 1

It's funny how I invited myself to visit Lorraine and she was down with it. Most people wouldn't be. I asked her if she was planning to have me over last weekend for grilled meats and cold beverages and sure enough...off I went! Let me start from jump.

I have never taken "the train" before. I have traveled every other way foot, bike, hitchhiking, car trip, plane, greyhound... never amtrack or what have you. So i was kind of excited about a short train trip to somewhere I had never been. So I buy my ticket and all is right with the world.

On my way to the train station, a jehri curled fellow wearing a baseball cap, driving a vintage Chevy Caprice and looking like the lost member of NWA pulls up to me at the bus stop on my street. You ever heard of California accent? It's extremely noticeable in Black people and possibly only Black Californians have it but it's like these perfectly pronounced vowels and general lightness of speech. So anyway, this Portland thug with Cali accent asks me "By any chance do you know where [house of ill repute] is?" Sad to say, it is right on the corner of my street... so I showed him that it was right there in front of us. How embarrassing. This has nothing to do with anything but I thought it was funny.

So I get to the train station way early because I didn't know how things worked. I never did it before.it was actually a lot like how flying used to be...um...which is a little bit scary but kind of a relief. I never interacted with a single authority figure in the whole process. I walked in, printed my ticket and then that was it. Due to the lack of red tape or anything in the process, I knew I must have skipped something so I went to an official looking guy near the track to ask him a question. Long story short, he asked if I wanted to get on his train instead of mine since it was about to leave. Off I went. 2 hours early. Sweet! I tried to let Lorraine know but she wasn't answering the phone. I come to find out it was because she was deep into her video games :)

I had an ass of a cab driver who wouldn't tell me the name of the mountain in the middle of town. Turns out it was Mt. Rainier. So I show up to Lorraine's house and all is well. She has a dog and a husband and a daughter and a cat and a dog. They are all very domestic and familial and lovable. The daughter and her friends were up to what I suspect was no good in her bedroom. They eventually came out and lined up like suspects. It was very funny and they didn't know they were in line-up formation. I will never know what they were up to.

We spent the first night eating, drinking jeezits wine, talking and playing guitar hero world tour. I got yelled at for trying to bump the level up to medium, which was hilarious.

Lorraine's cat is a superstar. She is constantly posing in ridiculous forms that can't possibly comfortable so as to maximize cuteness and dramatic effect. Some of her little stunts can't possibly be casually motivated. And i was taken in each time "Oh look at the cat! Look what she's doing! She's being precious!!!!!" It was just like when i still had my beloved Nooper. I used to really get on my mother's nerves with all of my "Look at the dog!!!!!" histrionics. Hee hee.

The neighbor has terrific red glitter glasses. I was quite a fan.

More tomorrow including Phase 10 and pudding

Jukebox Hero

It's not time for hip hop yet. We're gonna get into some of those 90s New Jack and RnB hits instead. This is a genre of music that has all but disappeared from my sphere. Too bad, because I associate these hits with good times. Won't you travel along with me on this floating treble staff as we soar through 90s "urban" (read black) radio?



1990
Rayon man blouses and palazzo pants? Flowing suits? Gone with your bad selves, Troop. Be proud. You took a J5 song and made it into a 90s staple.



We used to tear this shit UP! (Not as much as "Spread My Wings" but that single dropped in 89 so whatever). It was on Jukebox like constantly. Boys who thought they could sing would try to sing it on the playground. They worked the shit our of their peroxide streaked jheri curl fades with a tail in the back.

1991
This was my summer of Riff, Lenny Kravitz, Brian Adams, After 7 and sports camp. Lemme tell you this though. Nobody could touch Hi-Five. They were like the Souls of Mischief of R&B. All of them were cute, they were all talented and one even looked like Opio...a little bit. Well, if you squint and tilt your head.

I Can't Wait Another Minute @ Yahoo! Video

OK, If you don't lose your shit and sing along every time time you hear "Cuz I been holding back all I feel..." I don't know what's wrong with you. Or else maybe you just weren't there.

1992
8th grade. People really got into Tony Terry. TLC was blowing up. Glenn Jones was the shit. Ex-Girlfriend, lots of hip-hop. Let's see, there was all sorts of terrible yet awesome in retrospect (for various reasons ) stuff in 92. People always thought they were clever singing "Pretty Brown Eyes" by Mint Condition to me. One time one of my neighbors started in, then stopped and said "Hm...they aren't really brown exactly..." and then he stopped singing. I was glad he stopped. Let's watch some Jodeci.



This was pretty much the song that started it all. I don't eeeeeven have to elaborate. Everybody was in love with DeVante (real name Donald) except for the people like me and Q who realized that Mr. Dalvin was the cute one. This song was the damn SHIT.

1993
Let's get right to it. The movie this came from, "South Central" stood out for one quotable: Gee! Thanks Ray-Ray.



How many times (present day) have me and Malcolm an Q rolled down Lakeshore Drive bumping this? A lot. It is a jam. And when The Boys (loved them since we were in 5th grade) come in at 2:22 with "Won't you sing it TJ! Oh." And Tajh proceeds to do his thing, you can't help but jam right along with him.

I'm going to bed. More on this later.

my bs:woe::bush:1995

So over the last few days I have been having yet another boring ass crisis of my existence. Still. We're going on year 16. I talked to Q and A about it and was immediately jogged back to 1994. This was the year of the black notebook where I wrote all about who I wanted to kill and why, plots for movies I thought I was writing, short stories I thought were the shit, and drafts of my comic strip. Ah yes, my beloved comic strip. Born out of my depression and delusion of talent. I thought mistakenly that I was going to take over for Gary Larson one day. Those were the good old days. 14/15 year old delusion is some pretty good stuff.

So back to what I was saying. What do I do when I have these lapses in sanity and contentment? I go back. I recline with a piping hot bowl of nostalgia stew... better yet, a regret chowder, and reflect on everything. Yes everything. I can fit 16 years of remorse into one night of violent insomnia easy. Who are we kidding, I could beat myself up about all 30 years if I felt like it. But I won't because I definitely want to wake up tomorrow. I have never had one of those episodes thank god. One of the most boring things about my "issues" is the fact that they aren't just my issues. There isn't anything special or specific to me about them. They are the goodwill dress and combat boots* of mental distress. It seems like that should make it easier to fix since its so prevalent. Instead, it's here we go again bullshit. Teen angst at 30? Sad sad sad sad sad. And don't I know it! Does it sound better if I call it a mid life crisis? It's the exact same thing. "Why haven't I done more?" replaces "What am I gonna do?" As far as I know, the only cure for a mid life crisis is a red sports car or dating someone in their 20s. I have zero interest in either. Oh well! Guess I'm doomed to being a cookie cutter malcontent. Hahaha

I'm done being upset. Yes it was a time in my life that was at worst, damaged, deluded, screwed, stunted etc. but you know... 80% of the people I knew were the same. Some still are. Some are sadder than I am. Fuck it. There was so much fun! And the material, my god the MATERIAL. Let's all gather round the fireplace and wrap blankets around our shoulders and settle in with our mugs of 90s, topped generously with marshmallows.

Time for music! Let's see, I've talked enough about Hum over the years... The Sundays are for another time... Loud Lucy? Nah. Instead we have this 90s as hell gem. Note how the singer, in the first 3 seconds has cloaked himself in 90s lead singerness. He is like Scott Weiland portrayed gloriously by Will Arnett. But it's a real guy. His choregraphy, pants, hair and makeup are disgustingly, yet awesomely correct. I can't tell but I would wager he even remembered to wear black nail polish.


"Plowed" - Sponge
Makes me wanna watch Empire Records. But then I'll have to watch Kids to round it out and I am getting sleepy.

The next post will still be 90s. That's just where I'm at right now. But it will be ALL hip hop because 90s hip hop makes me happy. I will ignore the fact that it makes me just as sad for being over.


* 90s!!!!!!

The Friday Jukebox

I wanted to post "Untold Stories" by Buju Banton but I can't find a full embeddable clip. Apparently you haven't heard this song until you have heard my rendition of it. Querida says my accent is terrible but funny. "I could go on and on the full has never been told"... Well I find a clip that isn't full but it is embeddable so here it is.


Buju Banton - Untold Stories

Here is another one. This song used to come on the Jukebox Network constantly. "Raggumuffin love ba bittity raggamuffin..." "Girly one! Girly one!" I have no clue what they are saying in some of these parts but Chanda and I used to attempt to sing along tons. The early days of Jukebox ddn't have the broadest selection but we loved it.


Frighty and Colonel Mite - Life Is What You Make It

OK this is the last one. This and "Trailer Loada Girls" by Shabba Ranks came out at the same time and were cross promoted. Shabba seemed to become the breakout of the two but I kinda liked "Stopprer" better. It was more fun to try to sing in my terrible accent.


Cutty Ranks - The Stopper

Taboos are Funny

Two of the three Popeye's Chicken locations in Portland are on Martin Luther King Boulevard. The 3rd one is in the hood, but not on MLK. Yeah, Portland does indeed have "the hood".

I was sitting in Bi-Patrisan Cafe the other day and hilarity ensued. I was to have a meeting with "my colleague" and was looking for a table close to an outlet and with room for two laptops. The only choice was a table with two gentlemen around my age who were deep in conversation. I asked if I could sit at their table and they found about 12 different ways to invite me to sit down with them. I thought to myself, "What nice friendly people. The folk in Portland are, if nothing else, extremely friendly." My word, the conversation that I eavesdropped on. Here are some of the highlights.

- You have to appeal to the blacks and the poor in order to win elections
- I was working with this one non-profit that was raising money for racial profiling. You read that the right way. Fella went on to DEFEND RACIAL PROFILING.
- It's hard to be a republican in Portland. It's apparently like being an atheist in Utah.
- Bush was smarter than people gave him credit for
- Barack Obama is a moron who talks a good game
- "People think that just because we're republicans, we're bad people. They don't realize that we just want everyone's lives to be better"
- Bush blew it by going to war when there was a mess back home
- "Have you ever heard of the Black United Fund? We need to work with places like that. Those are the votes we need"
- "What does executive order mean?"
- "You should read "The Tipping Point"
- "Thanks for explaining so much to me" from a guy who is planning to run for some office in 2010

I went to see Nell Irvin Painter speak at Reed College the other day and she was awesome. I don't particularly agree with some of what she was saying but I don't exactly think she is wrong. I am too tired to go into it. I can't wait to read her new book "The History of White People". My favorite thing about her talk was the Q/A afterward where she basically shut people down who asked questions she didn't feel like being bothered with. She reminded me so much of my mother. One kid was like "You talked about blah blip and blap but you left out anything about goo gob and boo." "Yes" She stared. He continued "So... did you want to say anything about it?" "No, that's why I left it out. Who's next?" Best moment of the day. Some other kid started in on affirmative action and she ended that thread with a quickness.

It's so funny how for years White people didn't know anything about black people because they didn't learn about them in school and they didn't know any in real life. So they came off as ignorant. Many of these new Whites think they know about Black people because they learn about some of them in school. And in applying said knowledge, come off as ignorant. When Black people apply their "knowledge" of White people, it might be incorrect occasionally, but isn't ignorant. That is very strange to me. One thing Nell Painter suggested is that we treat each other as individuals and not purport to know about each other. And I am going my sleepy ass to bed.

Oh That's Right... I Have a Blog

So far Portland is good. It isn't as weird here as I thought it would be. It is a very very strikingly chill and normal place. Maybe that is the weird part. Maybe I'm not used to normal. Or maybe I'm weird for finding it so normal. Who really cares. I like being able to relax. And it's SOOOO pretty and relaxing here. And clean. People are friendly as hell and are always smiling at you. I'm not there yet, I am a Chicagoan after all. We tend to avert eye contact unless we are challenging someone. I will return cheer but I won't initiate it. That would be weird and make me feel fake. Also, being able to initiate cheer isn't exactly one of my ambitions. I'm pretty much OK.

There are some good restaurants here but pizza in this town is not so good. And the one place that just happens to be passable doen't deliver to me. ARGHHHHH. And forget about me finding a jibarito. There isn't a Puerto Rican restaurant anywhere. If any of you Chicagoans cared, you would send me a Fedex Lou Malnati's Deep Dish and some Borinquen jibaritos. Lemme tell you a little about the fast food situation. There are no White Castles. This is for the best. There are a few McDonald's Wendy's BK but they aren't very busy ever. We have Burgerville which is some good shit. It's fast food that isn't poison. And it's good! Lucky for me, none of them are across the street or around the corner from me or I would be in trouble. It might not be poison but it's still fast food. There are Thai restaurants everywhere which is not unexpected. I don't eat much Thai anymore. And I have a rule that I can't walk past VooDoo Donuts without going in and getting something.

So far, a major source of my entertainment, as with the other cities I've lived in, is the public transportation. Already I have encountered the seedy underbelly of 82nd street. They tend to commute on the number 72 bus, which I catch a lot. It is awesome. I will have plenty of stories. I already do actually. Later for that. I met some people on the bus once who were reminiscing about their time in rehab which was interesting until like 80% of the bus was in the conversation and had similar stories. Wow. Then some hippie jumped in and started arguing the difference between karma and retribution and everyone got mad. God love the bus. There are plenty of "the youth" but they aren't as bad as the ones in Chicago at all. They don't get in my way. They don't really get in anyone's way. They are probably naughty troubled kids but you don't wish you could punch them, which is cool. Same thing here as back home though, I wish they would get a makeover. The hookers too. God, they are such a mess. Mullets, hairsprayed ponytails, missing teeth, sweats (the hookers, no the youth)...it's just bad.

One thing that is very funny is that whenever I used to tell people that I wanted to move to Portland or that I was in fact moving here, they always said the same thing: "Oh you're gonna love it there. You'll fit right in." I don't fit in at all. I don't know where that was from. I have yet to see anyone even slightly reminiscent of me and that is just terrific. Not a damn person bears even the littlest physical resemblance to me at all, style wise or face wise. Everyone here is REALLY into beer and drinking. I couldn't be less interested in either. They are also really into restaurants so we can agree on that. It's really not all that different from Chicago or New York here except for the chillness, cleanliness and the fact that no one reminds me of myself. But being in a city full of people who are so amazingly different from me (and so amazingly similar to one another) helps me get to know myself better which is awesome. Which is the point of everything. Which is the primary thing I am interested in.

I'm taking banjo lessons now. I am learning to play clawhammer. I can't wait to be good at it! I am having a grand time.

Bye Bye Blues

I feel like I am being treated to the worst of Chicago as I prepare for my exit. You know what the worst of Chicago is? The fucking weather. And I hate when people tell me not to complain. Here's the thing: just because you are accustomed to unpleasantness, doesn't mean it's not unpleasant. If I was married 12 years to a guy who had been beating my ass since the first date, I might be used to it but getting hit probably sucks. Or maybe it doesn't, considering all of the phone calls to "the law" I used to make when I could hear my neighbor getting the shit beaten out of her constantly and she never pressed any charges...moving on...

I actually love Chicago. Rather, I love things about it. I love memories. And I love many people here. I just don't particularly like it anymore. Here is a list of things I will miss.

1) The fam. Duh.
2) Friends. Clearly.
3) Late Spring
4) The lakefront
5) The food I am addicted to

Hmmm. Looks like my list is full of things I can easily get out of a well timed VISIT. There it is folks. I am leaving Chicago behind in 6 days. I can't wait! Here is the list of things I am excited about in the new location:

1) No sales tax
2) Great scott, is it ever chill
3) Leisurely year-round bike riding
4) House rental vs apartment rental
5) I have no history there whatsoever

Here are things I dread:

1) Snow. I was under the impression that I would be leaving wintry conditions behind forever. I was told it rained constantly instead of snowing. I love rain. I hate snow.
2) The fact that it doesn't seem real that I am leaving Chicago. I can't visualize this at all.
3) Being a bum
4) Having no social life and not enough friends
5) Getting sick and being far away from the fam.

Well I'm gonna pack some more. Lemme wrap it up with a 3 song shuffle:

"I Think" - Aceyalone, from Project Blowed

"White Guy" - The Frogs, from Racially Yours

"Dirty Blue" - Woven Hand, from Mosaic

I have nothing to say about the songs, just doing a shuffle.

You gotta pay the troll toll...

I desperately need to wake up on time tomorrow morning. No surprise, I can't sleep. I was tired all day long, knowing that if I could just hold out until a decent hour, I would go to sleep and wake up normally and get my shit handled in the morning. Well, I couldn't sleep when it was time and ended up watching "The Office" on hulu.com. People seem to love it, but I tell you. That show... I'm not sure I understand the appeal of Jim/Pam. I think they are vile and unattractive. I don't quite get why people root for them. They are neither cute nor charming. Nothing endearing about either. They are smug and mean. I could say they are uninteresting as well, but here I am taking up precious sleep time typing. Seriously though...boring. Nope, not a fan. I am a fan of just about everyone else. Scratch that. I am a fan of EXACTLY everyone else, especially Dwight and Creed. It seems like all of them have something interesting in their personalities except for...oh never mind.

Another show that occupies my insomnia, thanks to hulu.com, is "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia". It's pretty much the funniest show on television. Charlie, oh how I love Charlie. I don't even mind that his character has been Homer-ed over the course of the show. I mean, all of them are stupid but they struck me as being equally delusional and dumb at first. Charlie has now become cartoonishly dumb and illiterate to boot. But it's so so funny. In my favorite episode, Dennis and Dee become crack heads so that they can get welfare. I know, don't ask me about the logic behind that. If you have a chance, watch it on hulu. I can't wait until there are new episodes.

I saw "Milk" last night too. Here's my question about bio-pics. You can always tell when one is bad. But when you think one is good, is it because of the subject? Was it their life that was was compelling and "good" or was it the film or both or what. I think "Milk" was both. Gus Van Sant for the win! And yes, we cried. OK? We cried. And a big round of props for the person who played Sylvester! I didn't look him up in imdb yet but he was singing "Mighty Real" at Harvey's birthday party. I swear to god if I had been with Querida instead of Cheryl... well... people might have stood up or cheered or something ridiculous. I wish Q had been there. Sylvester was the shit.

TCB

Not not the 80s black hair product (um... does it still exist I wonder...) I am taking care of business. It feels good. And boy do I have a shit ton of music to post. It's been a while. I'm not doing it right now though. I am busy taking care of business. Why did I stop to type this when I am busy TCBing? Sigh. I miss blog.

In other news, the New Years Eve traditional march will not feature The[obnoxious]Hollering Assholes this year. Brooke won't be in town and I have to go to 2 other parties. I am gonna try to make it to the march but it won't be in an Asshole capacity. I am still sad about my recorder disappearing. Boooooo.

I will return with my end of 2008 music recs.

Calvin Ferguson is behind this...

I am wide awake. Can't sleep.

I think I am gonna blog "Ghostwriter" for old time's sake. I may feel differently in the morning. Anyone remember that show? It ran from like 91-93 I think. If you remember then you get the title of this post. I used to watch it every Sunday morning on PBS. It, along with Digable Planets, "Where I Live", "Sesame Street", "City Kids" and Native Tongues, used to make me wish I grew up in New York. They had some sweet guest stars too, like Samuel L. Jackson and uh...the kid who played Ben on "Growing Pains"... Actually, "Ghostwriter" was kind of lame. Chanda, Sherida and I, while completely addicted to it, made relentless fun of it.

Again, I may feel differently in the morning.

Starring Jonah Hill as Ignatius J. Reilly

Youth In Revolt is being released in February. The casting of Michael Cera in the role of Nick Twisp, as much as I love the damn kid, is horrifying. What is he, 20 by now? Nick Twisp is Steve Buscemi Jr. He's is greasy and acne ridden, with bad teeth. He is scrawny. Michael Cera is cherubic and adorable...and too damn old. Interestingly enough, Steve Buscemi will in fact play the elder Twisp. I'm still gonna see the shit out of it and I can't wait. Who is gonna play Dwayne Crampton? They can't possibly not have him. What a sicko. I won't spoil it too much but he was a mildly retarded rapist... but written with humor.

So, I have a lot of time to do nothing. No job. I have been reading all of these blogs devoted to book series I read when I was younger. There were Sleepover Friends, Taffy Sinclair, Sweet Valley High, Fabulous Five and all manner of "chapter books" written at a 4th grade reading level but there is a special place in my heart for the terrible writing that was "The Babysitters Club". My sister and I, as young as when I was in 4th grade, were able to recognize and ridicule that faulty shit. TERRIBLE! We were still addicted though until I finished grammar school. The characters in those books, The BSC, were basically the wackest girls anyone ever wrote about. Ever. They would even make up and try to sneak in new hip lingo like dibble, distant, and acute. Um... incredible, far out, and I still don't know what they were doing with acute. Less than 90 degrees? Sharp? Maybe but...just lame. Never made any of that mess happen. I wish I WOULD get all excited about something and say "Distant!" with an enthusiastic smile as everyone gathered around, not making relentless fun of me, but joining in with "Yeah, super acute!" Don't get me started on their attempts at mixing terminology like "dibbly fresh". (They did NOT make up fresh but tried to act like they did. Nerve.)

There are blogs about the girls' collective unfortunate fashion sense that the series ghost writers were proud enough of to devote entire chapters to. Seriously every outfit they wore was described to minute detail. "Dawn's wheat colored, waist length hair was pulled back by two blue barrettes to match her ocean blue eyes. She was California casual in a tacky ass mint green Ocean Pacific shirt with two kissing dolphins on the front, pink pastel shorts with pockets and a zipper, and white Keds with no fucking socks on a Connecticut winter day." Shudder.

Oh and don't get me started on the glorious racism. Jessi, the 11-year old black ballerina with "the long lithe body of a dancer" (a direct quote from every single book, by the way) bore the brunt, being blackfolk. She was even called Mobobwee (as it was assumed that Jessi was an alias and she must have some African name, and it clearly must be Mobobwee) by mean kids in her class who were throwing shit at her while the teacher did nothing. In one book, Claudia, the sole Asian and the tackiest one of them all (she had the longest descriptions devoted to said tack by the way) was assigned a regular sitting gig with a racist family. And oh the racial hijinks and mischief that ensued!

There were never any satisfying fights or put downs or anything in the BSC-niverse. Whenever you thought someone was really gonna finally tell off that Kristy Thomas, the bossy club president (pages and pages devoted to her being a tomboy...and a bitch) or slap the mess out of her irritating little stepsister Karen, it would always be a nice neat little letdown. Now when it came to writing kids to be the assholes we all know they are, leave it to Judy Blume. Blubber was the most accurate portrayal of grade school I had ever read. Isn't it funny how parents are always so shocked to discover that their kids or their kids' classmates are giant douches? And no there isn't always trouble at home. Sometimes they're just dicks who make it their mission to ruin the life of a 9 year old and ensure that there will be eating disorders, suicide attempts and abusive relationships a-plenty in the future. God bless you, Judy Blume and all the books you wrote about divorce, racism, assy children, troubled teens, masturbation and bored cheating spouses.

I'm going to bed.

The Nerve

Sometimes I wish I were capable of violence. Not because I want to go on a spree of any sort because that isn't me. I just wish I could go around slapping people who have it coming.

The number one slappable offense of late: "Uncle Traveling Matt(me) wants to move again? What's she running away from?"

Uncle Traveling Matt's non-slap response, following a dramatic throat clearing: Fuck. You.

Loose translation: Since when is seeking to improve your situation running away? Why isn't it running toward? I'm glad that in general I have the freedom to go where I choose. I'm glad that I don't have to stay in a bad situation where I'm unhappy just because that's where someone else decided to be. I'm glad you see remedy as cowardice. Mostly I am glad to know your opinion is worthless and that is a few minutes less of giving a shit that I have to be bothered with when (if) I talk to you again. Thank you.

Dude, seriously. Asking inane questions to appear insightful. What's next?

570,000+ new unemployment claims and counting

Last time I was here, I was in the middle of being paranoid that I was about to get fired. "Uh...something seems to be going on in my vicinity so I am gonna stop typing..." I did in fact get fired. People keep saying I was not fired but downsized. Any way you spin it, someone told me I don't have a job anymore and I didn't quit. Fired. So I am gonna play blog for a while because I have time to. Here's a meme from Querida.

1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!
4. Tag 10 friends who might enjoy doing the game as well as the person you got the game from.

1. IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
A New Day - The Olivia Tremor Control
The song starts with i see a blue lake folding/ i hear a new age dawning... Apparently when people ask my opinion about the state of things, I speak in riddles. That is why people don't ask my opinion. But if someone says to you "is this ok?" and you respond "well tomorrow is a new day" then clearly the answer is no. Which is correct. Things are not, in fact, OK. Next.

2. WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
Maskaraid Part 1&2 - Aceyalone and Abstract Rude
I don't care to transcribe the lyrics but... I'm phony? No way. I'm just shy. Some people think shy people are shy because they are hiding something. I am hiding a lot.

3. WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Endless Harmony - The Beach Boys
If I felt like transcribing any of the lyrics this would be even funnier. I won't say it's accurate in general, but it HAS been accurate. Why do west coast boys like to sing when I don't want them to? Doo-doo-doo. Doo-doo-doo. Doo-doo-doo WOOOOOOOOO. OK, I transcribed some. Love it.

4. HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Ghost - Neutral Milk Hotel
This song gives me chills. Still. I do not feel that my spirit will never die. I have been specifically worried about that actually. But oh man what an awesome song.

5. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
No Coins - Cryptacize
I feel I must transcribe some lyrics:
no coins/we'll never have any/but i was sure there'd be plenty/this garden will always be bare without any (supper??) seeds/how can anything grow with all that we owe
Oh my.

6. WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Buddy Holly - Weezer
I can live with that. As long as it is ooh wee ooh or why do they gotta front and no other part.

7. WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
The Dugout - Ladyhawk
I think my friends like me. If this is accurate, they may not know I like them. Well I do. Also when I saw Ladyhawk play a few years ago, the hair choreography was fantastic and 90s. This song sounds HELLA 90s. My friends all like my hair and think I am 90s too.

8.WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Dr. Doom brand Shiraz/Alternate Universe - Patton Oswalt
This is a bit he did about Bush and Cheney and the war and everything being fucked up and bizarro. I ain't thinking about it as much anymore.

9. WHAT IS 2 + 2?
Tonight - The Soft Boys
Any song that isn't called "4" or doesn't have the theme "4" makes no sense in regard to this question. 2+2 is always 4.

10. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Love Ballad - LTD
Not so much. I love all of my best friends but not like that.

11.WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Signs - Tesla
Signs signs everywhere signs... Tell me about it.

12. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Worms - Yeasayer
I fear them so. I have no clue what they are saying in this song. But I am really afraid of worms. Does that mean I am afraid of life if my life story is worms which I fear?

13. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Sort of Mine - Heavenly
The song specifically asks if all I want is a man... ANY mediocre man. Gosh I hope that isn't all I really want. That would suck and make me lame.

14. WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
We Can Work It Out - The Beatles
I do not think that.

15. WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Do You Like Worms - The Beach Boys
Apparently my life story is worms (see above). These lyrics make no sense. Neither do my parents' opinions of me. Oh or maybe they are afraid of me? No.

16. WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Rock Co.Kane Flow - De La Soul
HA! No.

17. WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Hideaway - The Olivia Tremor Control
How perfect. My all time favorite song. It is perfect for my funeral anthem. here are ALL of the lyrics. I wish I could sing them to you:

don't hideaway, hideaway from your imagery
don't hideaway, hideaway from all your daydreams
(or your nightmares)

what is to fear when surrounded in apathy
when putting down words is just like pulling teeth away

and i know some kind of rain will fall
but it can't rain everyday

don't hideaway, hideaway from your intricacies
and don't hideaway, hideaway from all your obliques
(it's all out there)

there's no need to fear all those things in your histories
when putting down words is like putting things away

so long seku, goodbye wren

It is a pretty sad song for a funeral but sadly appropriate for me.

18. WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Deep Dark Well - M. Ward
uhhhh. nope

19. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
My Girl's Got Miraculous Technique - Belle and Sebastian
Let's get literal with the title and not the lyrics. I am good at most things. Yes I keep it secret. That is why they are playing Hideaway at my funeral.

20. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
The Visualz - Siah and Yeshua DaPoed
I don't know what to say

21. WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
Ice Dogs - Man Man
don't go and blame your mother for what's your father's fault/or all of your daughters will turn out just like you/bent on destruction and burning through their beauty/and looking beyond their years by the time they're only twenty

GULP

22. HOW WILL YOU DIE?
Sound Bwoy Burreil - Smif-n-Wessun
I'm getting shot up I guess. I was hoping it wouldn't hurt. Dang.

23. WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
Powers of Nine Ether [Distorted Views of Life] - Scienz of Life
This makes me uncomfortable and this meme just jumped the shark. I do regret my distorted views of life though.

24. WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
Anabel - Midlake
not really

25. WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
Time of Songs - Tapes 'n Tapes
This wants to be a sad song i think but it doesn't make me cry


26. WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
The Boy with the Arab Strap - Belle and Sebastian
uh... is that a yes? i hope that is a yes.

27. DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
Our Prayer - Beach Boys
Lots of people like me. i don't have to pray on it, but thank you.

28. IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
Signed DC - Love
Uh... this has nothing to do with me. but yeah, i can see.


29. WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
Pedophiles - Bill Burr
Pedophiles don't affect me either. I am not a kid. I guess they hurt no matter what though, huh? Poor kids.

30. WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
We're Here Were Queer - Patton Oswalt
APPLES! haha

Things That Are New

Well certainly not me. I just turned 30 last Thursday. Ha Ha.

One of the new leaves I intend to turn over now that I am an elder is the level of offense I take to things. I should try not to give so much of a crap. I should stop being offended by compliments for one thing. Even when they are insulting. You know the kind I'm talking about. I need to just get over it. So anyway, there's that.

I would also like to have more interests that I actually pursue. And I desperately need to finally get over my crippling shyness. And I want to get guitar lessons. I had a dream about my banjo sitting in my closet last night. It's right next to my guitar. I give up on things a lot. I should stop doing that too.

I went to Sonic last night finally. We ate too much. It was gross but delicious.

They Might Be Giants are playing here on Friday. I can't wait. My beloved City Mouse (see sidebar) won tickets to a pre-show meet and greet or something but the bottom line... SHE GETS TO MEET THE JOHNS!!!!! I am so jealous it's sick. Hopefully she will have Flans call me on the phone and assure me that they will sing "Put Your Hand inside the Puppet Head". Before I go see TMBG, I'm gonna go see Stella. I still have a crush on Michael Ian Black after all these years. I kinda like that David Wain too. Go figure that. I met him once walking down the street in New York. He was eating Tasti D-lite. I wanted Tasti D-lite. When I say I "met" him, I mostly mean that I said "It's David Wain!" He raised his Tasti D-Lite to me. We started laughing at each other. Instant friends... right? Sigh.

Uh...something seems to be going on in my vicinity so I am gonna stop typing... Oh hell.

Huey Lost BIG Time

This just in from Lewis/News 08: Maybe next time.

First, I would like to thank Kim for giving me her "+1" to get into Grant Park last night. I would also like to thank my brother for giving one of his tickets to Querida. I'm so glad she was able to get in. Let's talk a bit about last night, shall we?

All day I was a nervous wreck. I wasn't sure if I wanted to be around people to watch the election results. If it went badly, I was afraid that all hell would break loose. The weather was beautiful and everyone around me was in such high spirits that it would have been devastating to have to walk home feeling defeated. It would have hit hard. Also, I have to say I was concerned for my safety should things go badly. We all decided that we would kick ourselves for the rest of our lives if we didn't go and everything turned out well. So the plan was set.

So off I go to vote. Let me start by saying I have only voted twice in my life. Yes I will be 30 in a few weeks but I spent a long time not registering to vote because I was paranoid about getting drafted and spied on and... long story. I was a bit of a crazy... So anyway, I registered after Al Gore "lost". I decided that my paranoia was crazy and I needed to friggin vote. So at my polling place, I was presented with this large, cumbersome sheet of paper in a folder of some sort. I was looking all over my "privacy booth" for the slot in which to place the ballot and start punching. I even had to closely examine the pen they gave me. So then I decided to just read the directions. Then I read them again because i couldn't believe what I was reading. I was expected to complete broken arrows to indicate my choices. Wow. They were just begging for voter error on that one. Now, I'm reasonably young and I was getting sick of retaining (or not) all those judges and arrow completions. Imagine the elderly! I would like to thank, in advance, the person who becomes responsible for universally updating voter technology.

Querida and I went to eat lunch and marveled at all of the people we saw proudly displaying "I voted" stickers and how many older people had voted for the first time in their lives. She was telling me about people she saw who were all dressed up to go cast their ballots and I wanted to cry. I am not emotional but that is huge. I want to thank everyone who voted.

On the way to Grant Park, in the lines to get in, and at the security checkpoints, were a madhouse. We lost my brother, who is very tall, a couple of times. He was not interested in seeing that we kept up with him. His objective was clear: get as close to the podium as possible. We just wanted to make it into the park and watch the numbers. So Kim Q, Chanda and I went off to the baseball diamond where we watched the monitors, got videotaped a LOT, danced a LOT, got interviewed, made friends with random one day people, bumped into friends unexpectedly... AND WATCHED BARACK OBAMA WIN THE MOTHERFUCKING PRESIDENCY!!!!!!!

There were projections coming in... and suddenly "Breaking News". We were all like "Huh?" and "What?" then a flash of Grant Park with a super that read "Barack Obama Elected President". For exactly 1.2 seconds it was quiet. Then absolute MAYHEM. Running around, hugging random people, stoic yet emotional fellas, calling, texting... OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!! I must have run around the baseball diamond I was standing on about three times. Not since my last Rainbow Gathering a million years ago have I hugged so many people I don't know. I have never danced around so much to terrible music... and here's the big one. I have not stood and said the Pledge of Allegiance in about 20 years but I did last night. It was weird and I skipped certain parts but I did it. I may not do it again though... Last night, everything got a pass. I want to thank all of the people who made it possible.

Last but not least, I want to thank John McCain for not picking Elizabeth Dole, Joe Lieberman or Mitt Romney as a running mate. In his concession speech, I can't be sure but everyone keeps telling me I heard correctly...did he call Sarah Palin "a brilliant entertainer"? Wow. She looked like she really thought they were gonna win.

WHEW! OK...time to regroup. pictures to follow.

I Don't Smoke Pot...

Ha! This was in my inbox. I find it hilarious and appropriate. I can't wait for the rebuttal.

Dear Red States:


If you manage to steal this election too we've decided we're
leaving. We intend to form our own country, and we're taking the
other Blue States with us. In case you aren't aware, that includes California,
Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois
and all the Northeast. We believe this split will be
beneficial to the nation, and especially to the people of the new
country of New California.

To sum up briefly:

You get Texas , Oklahoma and all the slave states. We get stem cell
research and the best beaches.

We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Dollywood.

We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom.

We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss.

We get 85% of America 's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get
Alabama .

We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the red states pay
their fair share. Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22% lower than
the Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get
a bunch of single moms.

Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and
anti-war, and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at
once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have kids
they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose, and
they don't care if you don't show pictures of their children's
caskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq , and hope that the
WMDs turn up, but we're not willing to spend our resources in Bush's
Quagmire.

With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80% of the
country's fresh water, more than 90% of the pineapple and lettuce, 92%
of the nation's fresh fruit, 95% of America's quality wines, 90% of
all cheese, 90% of the high tech industry, 95% of the corn and soybeans
(thanks Iowa!), most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods,
sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools plus
Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.

With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88%
of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs), 92% of
all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100% of the tornadoes, 90% of the
hurricanes, 99% of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100% of all
televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the
University of Georgia. We get Hollywood and Yosemite , thank you.

Additionally, 38% of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually
swallowed by a whale, 62% believe life is sacred unless we're discussing
the war, the death penalty or gun laws, 44% say that evolution is only
a theory, 53% believe that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61% of you
crazy bastards believe you are people with higher morals then
we lefties. Finally, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have
that dirt weed they grow in Mexico

Peace out,

Blue States

The Fatness

I've had this mystery illness for a while now. I won't go into the particulars of it because i think it's gross. Most other people who know don't think it's gross, they think it's weird. But whatever adjective you want to put on it, it is preventing me from enjoying life's fatness in a way I am accustomed. Also, food tastes like nothing. I will find out what is wrong tomorrow at the doctor's office.

Man, some of my friends and I (atrackbrown, Ben, MC etc... I am TOTALLY typing in your direction) are some of the fattest people out there. None of us are particularly "large" but we absolutely should be. We are the types of people who, upon seeing a highly sought/out of print food item in a store (new york seltzer, golden crust beef patties, jello pudding pops, raspberry yerba mate vitamin water...) will buy ALL of them. If we can't find them in a store, off to the internets. One of my friends bought a case of clear pepsi on eBay. On a trip to New York several years ago, we had to buy additional luggage to accommodate all of the sunny doodles, yankee doodles, obscure snapples, and random beverages you can't get in chicago. FAT.

I'm still waiting for the trip to Atlanta when we can buy the entire stock of cocoa bread at that one place by AUC. And I'm telling you, the minute someone spots a chocodile in these continental United States, we are THERE. We have planned road trips just to go to Sonic. We have planned road trips to eat at certain buffets. We have travelled far and wide for snacks. If you want to know which Harold's Chickens are the good ones, we are the ones to ask. Why? because we have been to pretty much ALL of them. We can tell you which ones have an inferior mild sauce and which ones have a superior french fry. We know our snacks, man.

Before I go, I will share the fattest anecdote ever. In college, Pal and my biggest claim to fatness was the Vienetta incident. One day after failed attempts at all kinds of stuff, we decided we might as well just eat. This was the running theme of our group, by the way. Fail at trying to do activities, ultimately, eat some crap. We pretty much lived at Omega in Downer's Grove for a while. So we marched down to the KFC and bought chicken and sides. Then off to the Village Market for dessert. We settled on a Vienetta, which if you remember, was sort of like an ice cream lasagna made by Breyer's. So we settle in to watch TV and eat. When it came time for dessert, we just cut the whole thing in half, one each, and dug in. Oddly enough, this story doesn't tend to horrify people. Usually, when people hear about stuff like that, they assume we were all 'stoned on pot'... we were not. In fact, I hate pot and smoke nothing ever.

Fatburger, a fast food establishment I have never patronized, just opened in one of our suburbs. We are coordinating to make a trip happen. I can't wait.

By the way, upon googling Vienetta so I could get a picture, I discovered that it is now available on a stick. Sadly, you cannot get it here. Looks like I'm gonna need to take a trip outta town :)

knock 'em out the box, rick

I went to watch Hip Hop Honors with Querida last night. I had a really good time and I enjoyed it for sure but... Let me just say, i have some beefs (beeves?). How about this though? Jut so I don't seem like a total negative nancy, I will mix the good with the bad and just critique it all together.

1st of all, it seems that you would do the showstopper last. You know, the grand finale. Um... Slick Rick, the proper finale honoree, was actually 3rd and De La Soul was 2nd. That wasn't OK. You know who capped off the evening? Naughty by Nature. Old 3 hit Naughty by Nature. Granted their best track "Uptown Anthem" is one of the best ever, but they are not worthy of the final slot in a hall of fame ceremony. IT WAS THEIR ONLY AWESOME SONG. Sure they had 2 other chart toppers (two) and an MTV Buzz Clip (woo. hoo.) but for real? Anyway, I can't stand Treach, he annoys the shit out of me. But I like that Vinnie. He seems like a cool guy. KG too. Vinnie has been spotted at the hipster Target on Elston which is pretty funny. The one good thing I will say about their tribute was that at least they performed "Uptown Anthem". Me and Querida were (appropriately) tearing it up too.

Cypress Hill went up first. that kinda made sense. They were awesome for a while. I still remember the first time I heard "Hand on the Pump". We went nuts. That whole album was great. I stopped liking them around "Insane in the Brain" but who cares. They had plenty of fans by then. Plenty. Their tribute was cool. It was a little boring but they seemed proud as hell. and you know Sen Dog has no facial expressions usually so that was a big deal for him to look happy.

As soon as we saw that De La was coming up next, we were horrified, offended...confused to say the least. Let me say this about those dudes. Cue violins. They taught me at an early age that it was OK to be "that weird girl". I will always love De la, Jungle, Tribe, monie Love... pretty much that whole crew. They weren't weird to each other but they were for SURE those weird rappers. I wanted to be their friend. I remember being jealous of Chi Ali (not anymore obviously. Man, look what happened) because he was my age and got to hang out with them and put out records. He definitely wasn't the most successful of all the rappers my age back then but he was the coolest (not anymore obviously. Man, look what happened) . Aaaaanyway. So De La Tribute was so disappointing. I'm sure they enjoyed it. Querida and I enjoyed it because of what it was and were tearing it up during all the performances but... it was a bit of a let down. I know for a fact that the Jungle Brothers were there. So was Queen Latifah(apparently she was there to rep for Naughty By Nature, which made sense also but DAMN). So why didn't they come out for "Buddy"? It would have been AWESOME. Q-tip came out , but he's a fucking ham so of course he did. Chuck D was messing up his rhymes. It was bad. But De La were having fun so that's what counts. I guess we just expected so much more.

Slick Rick got a good tribute. Busta Rhymes annoys the shit out of me even though he looks like my cousin Brian. He should have been last. He was the one person there that EVERYBODY should have been excited about. Shit, everyone WAS excited about him. Man... he should have been last. And he seemed to have rehearsed a lot which was nice.

Too $hort. Man, he's funny as hell. And nasty. Luke introduced his tribute. i was offended as hell by Kid Rock's performance. He was doing a weird voice and these weird movements. It felt mocking. $hort didn't look amused either. Querida was like "Look at the face you're making" so i tried to stop making a face. It was rotten. The rest of his tribute was probably fine but I was so put off by Kid Rock that I went off to the google to look up Mack 10 who is a horrid human being. I was confused as to why he was there and not in jail. Oh well.

OK in the coming weeks, I am gonna go see Man Man, Girl Talk, and the Elephant 6 Holiday Surprise Tour. I will discuss of course.

MeMeMeMeMeme

Colleen did not tag me to do this. But I took it from her because I feel like typing things. I'll go ahead and tag Natalie and Querida to do it but only Natalie actually will. We don't have any games of Word Twist going.

1. What are your nicknames?
Monica is my preferred nomenclature. I don't feel like nicknames work for me. If you could hear some of the things people call me, you will see why: Moo Moo, Mookie, Mon, Moni, Mo-ki-nuh, MaCa, First Daughter, Turnip, Mook-Mana, Sister Pie, Sister bear, and the recent and dreaded Hippie Bear (or H.B. if you are a dude who works at the nickel arcade in Portland and wants to be friends but is actually making me mad). See how none of those really work? Some of them make me cringe and seek revenge.

2. What game show and/or reality show would you like to be on?
I would win the shit out of "Who Wants to Be A Millionaire" or "World Series of Pop Culture". Remember back in the good old days everyone wanted to be on "The Real World"? That was before it became a get drunk and fuck random people fest. I hate the youth. I used to want to be on it too. I can't pinpoint when it all went downhill but probably Las Vegas.

3. What was the first movie you bought in VHS or DVD?
I don't remember... but the first VHS we ever rented was Amadeus and Purple Rain this one day.

4. What is your favorite scent?
Nag champa incense still in the box before they are burned.

5. If you had a million dollars that you could only spend on yourself, what would you do with it?
I would pay all my debts, buy a house, a van and a ton of film equipment. And a lot of snacks.

6. What one place have you visited that you can't forget and want to go back to?
Most recently, Portland. But I am gonna go live there so whatever.

7. Do you trust easily?
Yes, which is weird because I am naturally suspicious.

8. Do you think before you act, or act before you think?
Both. I am a mess.

9. Is there anything that has made you unhappy these days?
Yes. I sometimes get sad about my life being bad.

10. Do you have a good body image?
No. Most people tell me I am cute/pretty/blah blah good. I don't necessarily believe them.

11. What is your favorite fruit?
Pears

12. What websites do you visit daily?
gmail, facebook, cracked.com

13. What have you been seriously addicted to lately?
Eggy Bagel

14. What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?
Colleen didn't tag me but I think she is awesome in most ways. She is funny as hell and has a good grin.

15. What's the last song that got stuck in your head?
"Always" by Pebbles

16. What's your favorite item of clothing?
A sweater that looks lived in and Roos sneakers

17. Do you think Rice Krispies are yummy?
Not on their own. You have to do stuff to them.

18. What would you do if you saw $100 lying on the ground?
I would yell, "Score!" and put it in my pocket. But only if outdoors. If inside there are a lot of factors that would influence my answer.

19. What items could you not go without during the day?
My computer, my debit card

20. What should you be doing right now?
Laundry

The Final Countdown!

The whole time I was in Portland, there was an overwhelming sense of "chill". That is until I was leaving. But I'm not there yet. The best way for me to describe the city is like going away to camp and not having to go home. I have no intention of not living there. I went to visit my long lost friend tIoP who has been talking me into moving there for some time and...success! I tried to visit Lorrraine but she has a sweet new gig and a birthday and an anniversary so no go. But for sure next time.

Here are some notable things about Portland:

-Not that many hippies. That's what Eugene is for. Instead there are people who probably kind of ARE hippies but don't look like it.

-Straight, male, young, non-hippies greet each other with non-awkward hugs and display genuine excitement at one another's existence.

-The homeless and spare changers are pretty clean and polite. One fella comes up to us and says "Excuse me, you wouldn't happen to be able to spare some part of 50 cents would you?"

-Most of the people who live there are from somewhere else.

-People don't fuck with you. Instead they smile at you for no reason as you are walking down the street. My favorite was the timid smile I kept getting.

We rode bikes all over the place, unfortunately up some insane hills and fortunately down some insane hills. I am in no way the G I thought I was where bike riding is concerned. I was dying. We went to a nickel arcade and played a shit ton of skee-ball and air hockey...like 40 dollars worth of 5 cent games... But it was between 3 people... Yeah that's still a lot of skee-ball.

The highlight of the trip was Tuesday. We were planning to see Dr. Dog at Doug Fir that night. Stupid tIoP wouldn't stop whining (yes, whining...what a girl. hahaha) the whole time about missing Laibach, who were playing at the same time until I reminded him that it was his idea MONTHS ago to see Dr. Dog on this particular day so there. We were walking down Burnside looking for something to do when either Teressa or tIoP said "looks like something's going on over at Jackpot Records." I turned, heard like one note, and gasped "OhmygoditsDRDOG!!!!!!!" and apparently ran out into traffic and across the street to the store. I'm pretty sure I looked both ways and crossed normally but... uh...whatever. We had missed most of the show but we got a fine sampling of what was to come. I was pretty convinced that none of them would remember me from when I met them in Chicago so I was chicken to go meet them again. But I did meet the keyboard player who is the only one I didn't talk to when they were here. He was very nice even though Patrick seemed to take every opportunity to make him think I was a crazed fan...which is kinda true but damn. Ha Ha.

We went to this bar B-Side to wait until it was an appropriate time to be at the show. I met these 2 guys who were planning to also see Dr. Dog. Patrick decided to talk to them all about Laibach (sigh) and they were really into my and Teressa's rendition of Laibach's rendition of "The Final Countdown". Luckily I also had my kazoo...

The actual show was pretty great. There were dudes in the opening bands who looked like Michael McDonald, Vangelis, Wilmer Valderrama and more. One of the bands, Delta Spirit, were clearly HUGE fans of Dr. Dog. They even had similar choreography (even though I hate to call it that). So Dr. Dog comes out. They play their asses off. They were pretty much tearing it up in every possible way. They only didn't sing 2 songs I wanted to hear: Keep a Friend and We All Belong. When they played the last song, Teressa and I started an encore chant of "TEN MORE SONGS! TEN MORE SONGS!" which others caught on to and started chanting "DR DOG! DR DOG!" We started that shit. That was us.

I kept thinking the whole time I was there, "Portland can't be this perfect. Every city has its dirt. Where is it?" I got to see fucked up-ness on my way out. And oddly enough, it was the fucked up-ness that ultimately made my mind up about wanting to live there. I had a whole day of crazy when I was by myself. I was walking around minding my own business when a random derelict walks up to me and says, "You don't like klonopins, do you?" I was like "uh...no?" and he said "I didn't think so, I was just checking." Then he went to ask someone else the same question. I was disturbed for sure, but mildly delighted. A little later I got directions to the airport and was warned that the bus I was gonna get on was not very pretty. MY, how very true.

I caught the Grand Bus and got this surly bus driver and went to sit next to this nice lady. There were these trashy girls on the back of the bus bragging about how long their mother's had been locked up. Wow. Then this girl got on with a baby in a stroller. that's when the fun really started. She was having a really hard time getting the stroller down the aisle and there was a big to do. As she settled into a spot, the driver was yelling back "That's why you're supposed to fold up the stroller before you get on!" the girl ignored her. The lady next to me repeated it to the girl and she looked at her menacingly.

"I'm just repeating what she said"
"Well I didn't hear her her but THANKS for you INput".
The girls in the back of the bus started talking louder. The driver yelled at the girl with the baby again, "I'm not moving til you fold up that stroller!"
"That's too much work. I'm not doing it."
"It says right there on the sign that you have to fold up strollers."
"Well those letters are too small. i can't see all that"
"You do this EVERY DAY! What's wrong with you?"

So she takes the baby out of the stroller and holds her but doesn't fold it up... because it's too much work. Meanwhile, all of us need to be somewhere. The girls in the back of the bus are laughing and being stupid teenagers. The one with the baby yells to them "Would you please shut the hell up, my daughter is trying to sleep". The baby is wide awake. The entire bus cracked up laughing. She starts going off on just about everyone. The driver tells her to get off of the us if she isn't gonna fold up the stroller. She refuses. "I'm no doing anything. I'm finna get off in a few stops, now DRIVE". The driver collects herself and stands up. She asks a man to please get out of his seat and she folds it up and yanks the stroller into the wheelchair spot and secures it. The man who had to move starts callinng the girl disgusting and all sorts of other stuff. She starts threatening him. I do not in any way wish to get off of the bus at my stop. i want to see the mess play out, but alas, I had to catch the MAX and go to the airport.

There were only 18 people on my flight.

Monica has about 10 blog entries she has yet to publish and probably won't but can't seem to stop copying and pasting those of others.

When the worst of "one" is preferable to the best of "the other" or the collective.
When the best OR worst of "one" is preferable to the exact same in "the other"
Privilege.

Unconsciously, semi-consciously... blatantly. hmmmm. It bugs me that to call out the truths in society that are related to race, you are called a racist and an extremist (Jeremiah Wright anyone? Seriously, the only thing even remotely off-putting in his message was his delivery.) Just because the truth is unpleasant, you're the bad guy for articulating it. OK.

As for the election... as with ANY competition, put your best up against my best for the good of the game. I am completely disappointed in the republican party and if their best for the past 8 years was really Bush... there should never have been a contest in the first place. If McCain/Palin is really their best... why the FUCK is that garbage ahead in the polls. There is no contest. Hell, I'm not 100% convinced that Barack Obama is the best of the democrats but he's pretty great. Furthermore, O'Biden is for SURE better than McPalin. The fact that it is so glaringly unlevel is a slap in the face to anyone who values excellence. There is so little regard for excellence anymore in favor of ushering in "regular" so as not to make average joes uncomfortable with their failings...despite the fact that this "regularity" can no more relate to your average ass than the so-called elite can... a tactic that Bush, McPalin and Big Hill have all played against their opponents. Come the hell on.

This is the part where I start to plagiarize again.

This is Your Nation on White Privilege
By Tim Wise

For those who still can’t grasp the concept of white privilege, or who are constantly looking for some easy-to-understand examples of it, perhaps this list will help.

White privilege is when you can get pregnant at seventeen like Bristol Palin and everyone is quick to insist that your life and that of your family is a personal matter, and that no one has a right to judge you or your parents, because “every family has challenges,” even as black and Latino families with similar “challenges” are regularly typified as irresponsible, pathological and arbiters of social decay.

White privilege is when you can call yourself a “fuckin’ redneck,” like Bristol Palin’s boyfriend does, and talk about how if anyone messes with you, you'll “kick their fuckin' ass,” and talk about how you like to “shoot shit” for fun, and still be viewed as a responsible, all-American boy (and a great son-in-law to be) rather than a thug.

White privilege is when you can attend four different colleges in six years like Sarah Palin did (one of which you basically failed out of, then returned to after making up some coursework at a community college), and no one questions your intelligence or commitment to achievement, whereas a person of color who did this would be viewed as unfit for college, and probably someone who only got in in the first place because of affirmative action.

White privilege is when you can claim that being mayor of a town smaller than most medium-sized colleges, and then Governor of a state with about the same number of people as the lower fifth of the island of Manhattan, makes you ready to potentially be president, and people don’t all piss on themselves with laughter, while being a black U.S. Senator, two-term state Senator, and constitutional law scholar, means you’re “untested.”


White privilege is being able to say that you support the words “under God” in the pledge of allegiance because “if it was good enough for the founding fathers, it’s good enough for me,” and not be immediately disqualified from holding office--since, after all, the pledge was written in the late 1800s and the “under God” part wasn’t added until the 1950s--while believing that reading accused criminals and terrorists their rights (because, ya know, the Constitution, which you used to teach at a prestigious law school requires it), is a dangerous and silly idea only supported by mushy liberals.


White privilege is being able to be a gun enthusiast and not make people immediately scared of you.


White privilege is being able to have a husband who was a member of an extremist political party that wants your state to secede from the Union, and whose motto was “Alaska first,” and no one questions your patriotism or that of your family, while if you're black and your spouse merely fails to come to a 9/11 memorial so she can be home with her kids on the first day of school, people immediately think she’s being disrespectful.


White privilege is being able to make fun of community organizers and the work they do--like, among other things, fight for the right of women to vote, or for civil rights, or the 8-hour workday, or an end to child labor--and people think you’re being pithy and tough, but if you merely question the experience of a small town mayor and 18-month governor with no foreign policy expertise beyond a class she took in college--you’re somehow being mean, or even sexist.


White privilege is being able to convince white women who don’t even agree with you on any substantive issue to vote for you and your running mate anyway, because all of a sudden your presence on the ticket has inspired confidence in these same white women, and made them give your party a “second look.”


White privilege is being able to fire people who didn’t support your political campaigns and not be accused of abusing your power or being a typical politician who engages in favoritism, while being black and merely knowing some folks from the old-line political machines in Chicago means you must be corrupt.


White privilege is being able to attend churches over the years whose pastors say that people who voted for John Kerry or merely criticize George W. Bush are going to hell, and that the U.S. is an explicitly Christian nation and the job of Christians is to bring Christian theological principles into government, and who bring in speakers who say the conflict in the Middle East is God’s punishment on Jews for rejecting Jesus, and everyone can still think you’re just a good church-going Christian, but if you’re black and friends with a black pastor who has noted (as have Colin Powell and the U.S. Department of Defense) that terrorist attacks are often the result of U.S. foreign policy and who talks about the history of racism and its effect on black people, you’re an extremist who probably hates America.


White privilege is not knowing what the Bush Doctrine is when asked by a reporter, and then people get angry at the reporter for asking you such a “trick question,” while being black and merely refusing to give one-word answers to the queries of Bill O’Reilly means you’re dodging the question, or trying to seem overly intellectual and nuanced.


White privilege is being able to claim your experience as a POW has anything at all to do with your fitness for president, while being black and experiencing racism is, as Sarah Palin has referred to it a “light” burden.


And finally, white privilege is the only thing that could possibly allow someone to become president when he has voted with George W. Bush 90 percent of the time, even as unemployment is skyrocketing, people are losing their homes, inflation is rising, and the U.S. is increasingly isolated from world opinion, just because white voters aren’t sure about that whole “change” thing. Ya know, it’s just too vague and ill-defined, unlike, say, four more years of the same, which is very concrete and certain…


White privilege is, in short, the problem.

End of plagiarism.

The follow-up is equally awesome and doesn't draw from the increasingly irritating commentary on this stinkin' election.

I Did Not Write This...

...but it needs to be read. I hate email forwards full of complete untruth and doctored quotes full of brackets and elipses as an attempt to sway opinions. but this is in no way untrue, there are no quotes out of context, no doctored history... just a li'l something for your friday enjoyment.
begin plagiarism:

I'm a little confused. Let me see if I have this straight.....

* If you grow up in Hawaii, raised by your grandparents, you're "exotic, different."
* Grow up in Alaska eating mooseburgers, a quintessential American story.

* If your name is Barack you're a radical, unpatriotic Muslim.
* Name your kids Willow, Trig and Track, you're a maverick.

* Graduate from Harvard law School and you are unstable.
* Attend 5 different small colleges before graduating, you're well grounded.

* If you spend 3 years as a brilliant community organizer, become the first black President of the Harvard Law Review, create a voter registration drive that registers 150,000 new voters, spend 12 years as a Constitutional Law professor, spend 8 years as a State Senator representing a district with over 750,000 people, become chairman of the state Senate's Health and Human Services committee, spend 4 years in the United States Senate representing a state of 13 million people while sponsoring 131 bills and serving on the Foreign Affairs, Environment and Public Works and Veteran's Affairs committees, you don't have any real leadership experience.
* If your total resume is: local weather girl, 4 years on the city council and 6 years as the mayor of a town with less than 7,000 people, 20 months as the governor of a state with only 650,000 people, then you're qualified to become the country's second highest ranking executive.

* If you have been married to the same woman for 19 years while raising 2 beautiful daughters, all within Protestant churches, you're not a real Christian.
* If you cheated on your first wife with a rich heiress, and left your disfigured wife and married the heiress the next month, you're a Christian.

* If you teach responsible, age appropriate sex education, including the proper use of birth control, you are eroding the fiber of society.
* If , while governor, you staunchly advocate abstinence only, with no other option in sex education in your state's school system while your unwed teen daughter ends up pregnant , you're very responsible.

* If your wife is a Harvard graduate laywer who gave up a position in a prestigious law firm to work for the betterment of her inner city community, then gave that up to raise a family, your family's values don't represent America's.
* If you're husband is nicknamed "First Dude", with at least one DWI conviction and no college education, who didn't register to vote until age 25 and once was a member of a group that advocated the secession of Alaska from the USA, your family is extremely admirable.

OK, much clearer now.

Oh This City life

Last night after watching Project Runway with Dave and Natalie (more on that in a second), I went to the train station. There ws a man lying in a pile of his own filth. Clothes scattered around the platform... hair matted in every direction, looking heavily drugged. So in typical Monica fashion i frowned in disapproval and then looked everywhere except at him. Then an off duty k9 officer came over and said some stuff into his walkie talkie. After that, two CTA people came down and made him get up. I heard a cry of disgust so I turned to look at the commotion. Fella was staggering around drunkenly with a satisfied, defiant, smug expression as he gathered his shoes and shirt. Guess what though. His pants were unzipped the whole time and his business was out. Just unapologetically OUT. People were making all sorts of sounds of disgust and horror. I kept hearing older women laughing and going "Boy PLEASE put your damn clothes on. UGH". I have to say, unfortunately I have seen this guy before. He was walking down Michigan Ave one day with his dick out. This dude is just plain dirty.

So Project Runway. To begin Wednesday tradition, Natalie and I met to go to Trader Joes to get fixings for a savory yet nutritious dinner. We made a blended sauce of tomato medley, red and yellow peppers, squash, spinach, lemon and feta, with whole chunks of said veggies over a brown rice pasta. It was delicious but that has nothing to do with the show. But Wednesday Tradition includes preparing or ordering a food. So anyway Chris March, who was our fave for season 4 (Christian grew on us but we liked Chris the whole time), was the special guest and introduced the challenge to design something out control for a drag queen. Awesome. This type of challenge has been suggested like every season since 2 and they finally did it! So the models for the week come out and some of their drag names are the same as some of my roller derby friends. Funny.

So let's reassess the players

Keith - Dave said it best. "He's cute til he opens his mouth." Designs are not as great as he thinks they are. He is very pleased with himself. I love the hilarious editing of his this episodes with the faux suspense every time he said something smug or referenced his not having immunity. They wanted us to think he was out.

Terri - Damn her shit was FLY. It was out of control! you have to see it in action to grasp the full concept of its awesomeness but it was so AWESOME! There were two looks going on, like a real showstopper. She came out all folded up in her sweet silver and blue and white kimono and then threw it open to reveal... "HEY!" a red and black vinyl number that was awesome. I can see where the color choices might bug but i totally saw the gimmick and it WORKED. She was robbed.

Joe - Even though Terri was robbed, he totally deserved to win too. I guess they just had it right on the top 3. I don't like Joe though. He seems like a weasel. He and Korto seem friendsish right now but... for how long?

Korto - I could get used to seeing her and Terri in the top three. Her dress was cool. Mostly i just like HER though. I think she is awesome and has a lot of good sense.

Jerell - I'm so glad he was safe. He is after all my favorite. I always look forward to seig what he will be wearing during judging. He reminds me of Blayne Edwards but in only a good way. If you get the reference, awesome.

Daniel - He should have gone last week. I have nothing to say. Wait, yes I do. i think he and Wesley are cute together.

Kenley - Ummm I pretty much can't stand her. People who want to look like Betties and then talk about other people's fashion being cliche cause my face to twist in confusion. Plus her designs are just OK.

Stella - Oh how I love her. Lorraine mentioned that the dress she made is in the Sims 2 and that caused me to laugh like hell. Stella is awesome. She is so funny to me.

Blayne, Suede and LeeAnne are extra for the most part but from time to time they are endearing. LeAnne is endearing for the clothes she makes because I rather like them. I just wish her personality wasn't so terrible. Blayne is endearing specifically FOR his terrible personality. And it is pretty terrible. He is trying way too hard to be in the outtakes reel. It's embarrassing. Suede is also trying too hard to be a "memorable reality show contestant" and uh... just no. But he is endearing because I think he is a good person. Like a legitimately good person.

So that's PR

My new cereal is Gorilla Munch and it is wonderful with vanilla non dairy oat beverage instead of milk. Yes non dairy oat beverage is also my new thing.

Seems old at this point but here's the weekend

So for us, Pitchfork was all about chilling on a blanket and watching the screens. Well, except for Public Enemy, Icy Demons and The Apples in Stereo, for which we were front row, center, up against the rails. All 3 were fantastic. The only drawback was during Public Enemy when Flavor Flav decided to walk the rails and all these dudes tried to suffocate me and Natalie in their sad attempts to do god knows what to Flavor Flav. What they were hoping to accomplish by grasping at his t-shirt, I will never understand. Jamie was lucky enough to have stepped out of the crowd by then for her own safety and comfort. One security guard had my back though. He's the man. He was threatening mofos to back up like it wasn't even funny. And they did. There was technically no need for me to take my keys out, self-defense style between my knuckles, threatening to stab people. He looked at me 1/2 like I was crazy and 1/2 like it was funny. He told me to put my keys back in my pocket. We also met this charming lady, Hillary who had loved PE since way back in the day. She was around her late 40s/early 50s I would say and she was awesome. We invited her to come stand by us before the show started because she was a little too far back by my standards. I think one of the S1Ws gave her dog tags at the end of the show which was appropriate. We loved Hillary. And also the 40 year old fat dude in the Pixies t-shirt. He was like a kindergartener who just got a gold star.

Hilarious conversations overheard during PE included "Man, I heard this album in high school. I kept thinking 'Wow, Black people really hate us. And we DESERVE it!'" Natalie and I laughed like hell at that one. "I just want to see Flavor Flav's clock," which was by far the dumbest thing I heard that night. "Who's Terminator X?" On that note...

So thanks to us making friends with that one security guard, we were ushered to a prime spot for The Apples in Stereo. He told kids to get up from the spots they had been holding in the sun all day and move out of our way. We didn't ask for all that. We had found our last year spot right in front, all the way to the left but he thought we should be in the center. Who were we to argue. The Apples proceeded to play nothing but stuff I either specifically wanted them to or stuff that I was perfectly pleased to hear. I knew they would sing either "Ruby" or "The Rainbow". Who knew they would do both? Not me. Who was happy as an 8 year old? Me. The only thing better would have been if they sang "Baroque" but...no. What a great show. I really do love them.

Others who tore shit up were Jarvis Cocker, Les Savy Fav, !!!, Dinosaur Jr., and a few minutes of Cut Copy. I was disappointed by Vampire Weekend. Best quote was from Kharma "They think they're rocking a lot harder than they're actually rocking." In short, they were boring as hell. I really like their album though so I was expecting fun. Oh well. I was also disappointed by Animal Collective. Their show pretty much sucked, which sucks, because I like them. We left before they finished but could still hear them from the train station.

I have to also give props to Sebadoh even though I was only sort of paying attention to them on the screen. I had to choose between getting a good spot for them or a good spot for PE. PE won. They did not perform my favorite of their albums (Bake Sale) but I still like Bubble and Scrape just fine. At the beginnings of several songs, I felt really shitty about not being over at that stage. Jamie looked like she felt the same way. Sigh. I'm sure their show was just fine but they got some really rude treatment from audience and other performers alike. I find that pretty fucked up. Including some kids shouting "Sebadoh sucks!" during "Think". I was very upset. Lou Barlow still has very very 90s hair too which is hilarious.

So Natalie and I were talking about the whole "Don't Look Back" series, where artists play an entire album. As I said before, we got Public Enemy, Sebadoh and Mission of Burma this year. So we were discussing other albums we think would make for a good show and only be awesome and fun and not pathetic in the least. Many of them were impossible and will never happen but it was still a fun conversation.

"In the Aeroplane Over The Sea" - Neutral Milk Hotel
I actually think that might be the "Don't Look Back" coup of a lifetime.

"The Blue Album" - Weezer

"Life" - Cardigans

"Reality of My Surroundings" - Fishbone

"They Might Be Giants" - They Might Be Giants
What I wouldn't give for that

"Tim" - The Replacements

"Straight Out The Jungle" The Jungle Brothers

"All Hands On The Bad One" - Sleater-Kinney

Uh... there were more i can't remember. Any ideas?

The dogs are looking out

I love dogs. Dogs are so awesome. And dogs love me. It pays off to love and respect dogs and treat them like people. You know, pet them on the head and give them a treat.

I have been a mess all week about not having tickets to see Dr. Dog play their show here. I have been REALLY down about it. I spent one day looking for hook-ups. Another day day looking on Craigslist. And finally, as a last ditch effort, I entered a venue sponsored contest. And I won! I never win contests. I had a feeling I would win this one though. I'm so happy! See, bands I like with dog in their name... I tell ya. I end up seeing those shows! remember what happened with Ratdog? Awesome.

This is Pitchfork weekend. Natalie Jamie and I have our system all mapped out. Hopefully there won't be any fights to get into. let's take a look at the plan, shall we?

Friday
We will meet at Walgreens and go over to the "will call" trailer to get our tickets. After which we will go to eat food in the vicinity. At 6, we will see Mission of Burma. They are performing their album "Vs." I don't really care about Mission of Burma. I am going so I can see what all the fuss was about from tIoP. He goes nuts for them and I don't get it. Next, is Sebadoh, performing the album "Bubble and Scrape". Love love love. Finally, PUBLIC ENEMY doing "It Takes a nation of Millions to Hold us Back". It's gonna be fucking awesome! we may or may not go see Batman after PE.

Saturday
We are getting an early start on things and will spend most of the day at the B stage. We are most excited about seeing A Hawk and a Hacksaw, Icy Demons, and The Fuck Buttons. Also we will see Ruby Suns and Boban i Marko Markovic Orkestar. After all that time at B, we will go to see Vampire Weekend. That is a really tough call because they are playing at the same time as Elf Power. But we picked Vampire Weekend. We shall see. then we will see !!!, Jarvis Cocker and Animal Collective. And then we will go home.

Sunday
I'm torn about Sunday. I pretty much only care about seeing M. Ward (I get to see M. Ward!!!!!!!!!!!) and The Apples in Stereo and Dinosaur Jr. I'm sure there are bands that day that I will stumble upon and enjoy but... I'm not making a specific effort.

So that is my weekend. I was planning to try to work in some time to watch season one of Mad Men but that might bave to wait.

Why did you spray silly string all over that maxi pad?

Oh? What's that? It's jump rope and balloons? well it looks like a diaper with a bunch of clown dookie on it. Yes, Project Runway started last night. I am excited as hell. This highly tanned fella called Blayne who is desperately clinging to the relevance he enjoyed in his younger days (maybe enjoyed) made a monstrosity of hell with a thing in the crotch. If you watched, then you know... clown dookie.

Natalie, Dave and i sat down for traditional Wednesday night programs and a blast was had by all. I have some early favorites and some are surprises. Most of the people are pretty fucking boring but they'll be gone soon enough. My two favorites were Joe and his pasta dress, and Kelly(?) with he vacuum dress. I knew she would win. She had it coming. I wanted to put it on while she was still dying the "fabric". it was beautiful.

The guy who did the cups dress was cool i guess but i was more in awe of his process than the finished product. it was nice.

I am loving Korto because she isn't there to make friends, but I guarantee you, you will not hear her say those words. She isn't a villain, she just doesn't give a shit about these hoes. Cuz she is a G. She doesn't have to spout reality show cliches and her dress was beautiful.

Somebody needs to look that dude Suede up and down, pause for a moment, and say "No." Just no. He is the hottest mess ever. Poor thing. He would really benefit from a makeover. There are a couple of lookers this season who could help him out for sure! i bet he's a nice person though...

Not sure who I want for the top 4 yet but overall, I was impressed. Too many forgettable girls though. They aren't very interesting. Either to look at them or their clothing. Best forgettable lame girl dork moment "giggle hee hee...I'm wild and crazy...I'm gonna pop this balloon...is anyone gonna care? oh my god what a scandal i am creating! i am making waves! ...pop! hee hee hee" poor thing. I cannot wait for next week.

Shear Genius was on after. Bravo was smart to make PR lead into it because I doubt that a lot of people will tune it just for it. I love Daniel. he is the prettiest little thing. Just a delight! ...but i hate his haircut. I love Charlie. He is my almost favorite besides Daniel but they trade places from time to time. I don't care about anyone else really. Nekisa would do well to go into business as a stylist for "Ladies who are Cougars on a Budget". I think she would be very successful.

Curses!!!!

Well, it's happened to me. Well, almost. I narrowly escaped what could have been a tragic dooring. I was casually riding my bike and saw some know-not mother fucker who shouldn't be driving and probably has no insurance and was probably stoned on pot. He was parking his car. As i approached, I thought to myself "This mother fucker is gonna open his car door." I kept coming toward him thinking, "He's gonna open his door. i know it." Sure enough, as I was passing him, he opened his car door. I screamed like the Dickens as I pedaled past him with only about one inch between me and the open door. What did I do? I stopped, went back and cursed his dumb murdering ass out. "USE YOUR FUCKING MIRRORS!" I was met with a confused look. "Your MIRRORS! So you don't KILL people!!!" etc etc. There was a cop right across the street who did absolutely nothing. Apparently all of these new biker safety policies went into effect on January 1st but no one is enforcing them. Apparently the only way Ms. Cop would have done anything would be if I actually had been hurt. Forget the fact that the mother fucker should be cited for opening his door in the first place. Ugh. SOOOOO angry.

To end this on funny, Natalie and I were sitting at the bus stop waiting for the Montrose bus which was never going to come. This cab full of twatty teenagers drove past and they started yelling at us. Not in a bad way though. Like they wanted to impress us. It was random and hilarious. Then after we figured there would be no bus, we got into a cab and asked to go to the Montrose Red Line station. The cabbie said "Where's Montrose?" We saw that as the first sign of trouble. "Uh, Montrose is the street you just turned off of to pick us up..." We looked at each other. The cabbie then asks us where the train station is and tells us it's up to us where we go and he doesn't know the way. We looked at each other. Then the driver says "How about if I take you to Wilson. There isn't a Montrose station." natalie started snapping. "No take us to Montrose. I know where it is I take the red line every day!" We paused. Then we looked at each other. We simultaneously realized that here actually isn't a Montrose Red Line station. Oops. He took us to Wilson.

Ah, the hell with a title....and capitalization.

Last night wen I was going home, I encountered a Chad. You know the type: kind of a douche, thinks he's a hotshot, business type, youngish, bit of a swagger. Do not confuse a Chad with a Bateman. Chads wish they could be Batemans. I guess they are more your real world Batemans. Anyway, this was a very different type of Chad. First of all, his name was Chad. Funny. Second, he looked like he had overcome unfortunate birth defects to become a douche. He even had an entourage of other guys from the office with him who hung on his every word and even said "Wow, Chad. you're like, the MAN or something!" I nearly lost it. Chad had weird legs and walked funny. He was on the cuter side though. I would say he was medium hot.

I had a dream last night that Bernie and The Bar came to visit from Switzerland (where I will be going in winter!) They brought along some of their friends. One of them beat up someone I was close to and a revenge plot was hatched. A couple of fights broke out and innocent people were beaten up. Ultimately, this one girl handed me a knife and told me to stab her. I was instructed to make it count or else she was gonna kick my ass. I kept stabbing her and she wouldn't die, she just kept getting mad. I ran otutside to hide the knife because I thought they were gonna try to pin a murder rap on me as part of a different revenge plot. Oh these dreams I have!

I think I am gonna go see The Silver Apples tonight. Should be fun.

Dr. Dog has a new album coming out in July. I heard it. I won't say anything yet though. I should update my reccomendations on the sidebar there. I'll do it later.

It's Not Libel If It's True

So seeing as how a certain singer of terrible songs was found not guilty today of the child pornography charges he was facing, it is my hope that more girls come forward. What? What's that you say? More girls? Yes, more girls. You see, our singer in question, is actually a sexual predator. As far back as I can remember, he's been fucking 8th graders. He may have switched it up from time to time to include high school sophomores and maybe a 7th grader on occasion, but one thing is constant. His type is kids. Among his playgrounds of choice was the McDonald's on 53rd street in Hyde Park. If you know, then you know what I'm saying is true. Now, as far as I can tell, that shit is illegal. And in what was previously his most brazen display of statutory rape, a matter of public record, HE MARRIED A 15 YEAR OLD! Instead of being horrified of this, as a nation, it instead became fodder for countdown specials on basic cable. What the fuck, people. Seriously. He's a predator. He can't be retried for this shit, but he can be tried for some of the shit he's been getting away with for the last 15 years. Ugh. I hate sickos.

You Got Served!

I misread the direction on some OTCs. Not Olivia Tremor Controls, Over the Counters. I got some alka seltzer AM/PM liquigels for this cold I have. The directions say not to take the 2 at the same time. I thought that meant not to take them at the same time. Which I didn't. It actually meant to pick whether to do daytime or night time medicating. So at night I took the PM and when I woke up I took the AM. Whoa. My limbs each felt about 80 pounds. I was falling asleep in the shower. It felt like a major workout just to answer the phone. In other words, yeah, pretty fucked up. Maybe I was just that sick and I was in fact taking the OTCs properly. Hm. I blame babies for my cold.

All weekend long I was hholding babies. I'll back up. My sister and best friend/former roommate Angel threw an hilarious 80s hip hop murder mystery party. I invited Natalie, Dave, tIoPand his woman. We were a hot mess of MC Hammer pants (clearly that was me), boom boxes, lines and dollar sign shaved into hair, overalls with straps down, wife beaters, doo rags, cut up t-shirts, chuck taylors, ridculous jewelry and huge sunglasses. I wish I could post some pictures but I only put up pics of me if I am cute in them. (My blog, my rules)

So anyway, some of the people who were in town for the party had their babies which I guess was nice. Most people are really into babies. My friend Shani basically put her daughter into my hands and made me hold her. I must say, that is a ridiculously cute child but I don't know what to do with one of those so I guess I was holding her all crazy. I had her in both hands, at arms length. Shani laughed at me, pressed the child against my chest and swung her legs around. It was not comfortable. As soon as the picture was snapped, I gave her back in a hurry. This kept happening with me and babies. Angel also ended up with a cold so we decided it was from so much interaction with different children. (The kids weren't at the party btw, they were upstairs.)

Now that I've discussed my cold and these babies, let's recap the fun.

On the way there we ran into Natalie and Dave on the train which was awesome. So all 5 of us were able to go together. We got stopped on the street a few times on the way to the house. I take it as a compliment. I'm almost compelled to put up pictures.

The most ridiculous part of the party was the dance off. Oh god, why did I do that? I talk a whole lot of shit that I can't back up. I see myself getting into trouble, hear myself getting into trouble, but I don't shut up. Angel and I were pretending to argue and then I was like "Get your crew! Get your crew! I'm calling a dance off!" In case you don't know this about me...I can't dance. At all. But it was too late. Next thing you know, I am providing my friends with blackmail fodder for years to come. My team lost and it was my fault but the other team cheated. I had an awesome crew and I should give them all a present for being so great...but we lost by 2 points.

The other element of the party was the murder mystery. I wasn't allowed to guess because I was the one who pre-selected the killer. Angel wanted ti to be Slick Rick but I thought that was in poor taste. I made it Doug E. Fresh because he is a Scientologist now and that isn't OK.

So you know that bar I frequent and always have crackhead stories? Leo's? Well we went there after the party. I have talked this place up to tIoP for months now so it was cool to finally get the crew in there. Now, I have always seen it as a refuge for ex pimps, ex hoes, and old heads. You know, the ex player set. Kinda grizzled but still likes to go have a good time somewhere. A girl we met at the party volunteered to drive. We took 2 cars. i was telling her about how the last few times I had been there, t must have been "ladies night" or something because it was crawling with lesbians. She looked at me with confusion. "Well...it's a lesbian bar." Gasp. "You didn't know? I thought you knew." I didn't know. As i thought back it made total sense. TOTAL sense.

For the first time in the history of me going to Leo's, I didn't get harassed outside by a crackhead. Instead, on the way in, some non crackhead dude who was leaving tried to holler. He says "Damn, don't tell me I have to go back in there so I can dance with you. Yeah, you in the red!" I was a bit shocked by this seeing as I was wearing MC Hammer pants, a cut up shirt and ridiculous jewelry. If he had seen me earlier in the evening (dance off), he would want no part of dancing with my silly ass. Funny. So once we met up wth everyone from the other car, I told them about my newfound info about it being a lesbian bar. tIoP was thrilled and no one else was surprised. Dave was the highlight of Leo's. Once he had tired of dancing, he took to fanning random people. I love Dave so much. In fact, I have nothing bad to say about anyone.

Oh My, Look How You've Grown!

What's it been now, a month? Well, I have a shit ton of things to type. I'm not gonna type all of them, just a few.

I may have typed at some point about moving to the upper left hand corner of this country. Well, that's partially in the works. I'll know for sure in September. I will be there for a few days to see my beloved Dr. Dog, visit pals, and get a feel for the city and see if I still want to live there. I have assumed i wanted to for the past 8 years or so but it wasn't based on ever having been there. So we'll see.

It's cool seeing familiar faces. The other night, Jamie, Nataile and I went to see jamie Lidell at the Abbey Pub. Awesome show. Fantastic. there was a girl up front who we remembered seeing at Pitchfork last summer. She was REALLY into him. REEEEAAAALLY into him. I kind of thought something was wrong with her because of the extremity of her smile...even after the show was over. She was still standing in the same spot grinning like a crazy. I liked her though. I like fans of things. I like it when people have a good time at stuff. Also, about that show, best call for an encore ever. We all were singing the refrain from Wait for me "I'm waiting. I'm waiting. I'm waiting oh oh ohhh!", which he had closed with. I much prefer that to the typical "WOO!" for encores. It was awesome. He came back and sang my favorite of his songs, "Game for Fools" and Multiply. I love him. After the show, Jamie and I were trying to remember why we didn't go to this party he invited us to last year but then we remembered and I won't go into it.

In other news of familiar faces, there's this woman who takes the Blue line. Natalie and I used to see her a lot when we lived at Addison Apartment. She once spent 20 minutes on the commute talking to us about possum and she kept saying "opossum" and making me want to die. She also wouldn't shut up despite our conversation ending cues. Sigh. So I saw her on the train. It was staled at my sation and after the announcement, she looked up form her book and said to her seatmate, "You would think they..." blah blah blah. You know how those conversations are. But she woudn't stop taling to the poor woman sitting with her. I really wish Natalie had been there.

In other train news, i got butt pivotted yesterday on the train going home. i went to sit on the inner seat by this one guy and he totally butt pivoted instead of standing up to let me in! I was made to feel better though because when I looked up and across the aisle I saw beloved cousin Kharma sitting there. We tried to give each other evil staredowns but kept laughing. Oh the joy. I wish she would have come to sit by me but the train was crowded. If I move to the upper left hand corner, that will never happen again. Oh the decision for me to make. Oh my.

Friday video: "Buddy" De la Soul

This is the best "Crew" video of all time. It brings a tear to my eye. You know how there are those videos you wsh you had been on the set of? This would be one of those.

Return of the Space Cowboy

It's a been a while since Friday videos. It's pretty much been a while since anything. I have become a highly not prolific blogger. But in honor of my favorite new blog, for obvious reasons besides the fact that I <3 Hat, Lorraine, and JP, here's a video that is super duper 90s. Like unbelievably 90s. Not only that, it has found its way into a Cadillac commercial which is kinda sad but also shows that songs from when I was a kid are now "oldies" because caddys are for older folk. I bring you "Stars" by Hum. May I say the the little "jam" toward the end is probably the 90s-est thing ever?



And this one exemplifies a different 90s but still SOOOO 90s. Unfortunately they cut out part of the song for the video, one of my favorite parts, but still. God, I used to love them. And boy did they tear it up live. Damn! Sadly, I stopped listening to them as much after Stuart Zender left and after the Traveling Without Moving album, which made them famous in these states. Pity that. I give you "Stillness in Time" by Jamiroquai. I could seriously sing this whole album on demand. Boy was that a long time ago and damn was it good.

6 Random Things

Colleen tagged me to do this like a week ago and I am now doing it.

Rules:
* Link to the person that tagged you.
* Post the rules on your blog.
* Share six non-important things/habits/quirks about yourself.
* Tag six random people at the end of your post by linking to their blogs.
* Let each random person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their website.

What's the most unimportant yet terribly present shit about me? My ridiculous fears that are actually kind of rational. Here are six of them

1) Birds - I remember a time, when I was a kid, when pigeons and seagulls and such had a nice healthy fear of humans. Now they will fly right up to you and sit at your table during lunch. They will swoop 4 inches over my head and make me scream and duck like a crazy in the middle of Michigan Avenue... damn birds...

2) Earthworms - Why, just last night after the rain I was walking home and they were everywhere. I was so scaed of stepping on one. I was darting all over the sidewalk avoiding random twigs and spots and anything worm-like. I must have looked stark raving mad. A lunatic I tell you. my heart was racing and I was close to tears. It all started in 3rd grade when I had to walk to CCD class through Ada Park after a huge storm. Worms as far as the eye could see. The grass may as well have been moving. They were fat, they were skinny, they were long, they were short, they were dead, they were crawling and they ALL wanted to get me. Oh the trauma.

3) Walking down a flight of stairs through the middle - I have to hold a railing or at least have a railing in place that I could potentially hold on to. I will fall otherwise. I know it, and I have a huge fear of any sort of plummet. I plummet in my sleep all the time and wake up as I land.

4) ghosts and spirits - yes they are real and yes they are going to get me. so are the demons... May I share a story? Picture it: Chicago 1991. The Exocist 3 is on its way to theaters. I saw a commercial for it one leisurely summer afternoon. "17 years ago, Satan possessed a little girl..." blah blah blah, more commentary, a bay window shatters, and horrid music. I was terrified to the point of near paralysis. It was a commercial. For a lame ass movie with bad special effects. I could not sleep at night. I was that scared. i decided to stop watching TV so I could avoid seeing The Commercial. The only channel I allowed myself to watch was Jukebox because it didn't show commercials. Well what do you know? All of a sudden they start playing commercials. And obviously that one came on out of nowhere. It took a really long time to get over it.

5) churches - see above. I grew up catholic and those churches have tons of ritualistic ornamentation and paintings and statues and sshrines all over the place. Churches are terrifying. If I ever got locked in one alone overnight during a storm with no electricity I would surely be dead by morning. I remember asking my priest in 5th grade if exorcisms were real and if there was really such a thing as a demon. He said yes. I asked if they did exorcisms in churches. He said yes, sometimes. I decided that churches were the stomping grounds for spirits. AUGHHHHH!!!!!!

6) critters - rats, mice, bugs. Jeepers.

I am a mess of ridiculous fears. But at least I think it's funny. but don't go getting any ideas about throwning worms at me or I may have to shoot you.

Lots and Lots

1. CTA seems to be gettting New York's hand-me-downs. We finally have vending machines at the train stations that sell passes and take credit cards. Finally.

2. I can't get into recapping, but people on the train have the dumbest fucking conversations. One quote today, courtesy of some yuppie douche trying to win hipster cred with some girl: "Nah, Franz Ferdinand is totally played out. What do you think of the Fiery Furnaces?" Are you kidding me? Did he read a how-to guide? Wow.

3. I am a jerk. I've been trying not to be so judgmental but... there was a chick on th train. She was hot by typical male standards I think (except she actually had a pretty face which I think men don't care about). Anyway, she was thin, well dressed, kind of foreign looking... I would give her props except for the fact that she was reading a book and moving her lips...a lot. Like a whole lot. It was distracting.

4. Colleen tagged me to do a blog thing which I will do tomorrow.

Now for the fun

I went to see Man Man and Yeasayer last night at Logan Square Auditorium. I missed Yeasayer though because I was sitting on a bench in Logan Square waiting for Morgan. It was fine. I didn't really care about Yeasayer anyway. The critics seem to be fond of them though.

While I was waiting for Morgan, I met a bike gang. they kind of looked like carnies and gypsies so I went over to make friends with them. They offered me beer and whiskey but I don't drink those things. They had all of these awesome bikes and I wanted to ride them. One was this HUGE bike that looked like a cross between a lawnmower and a rickshaw. The guy who made it said he would let me ride it but I was too small :( Instead, this other guy let me ride his chopper. The brakes were like the bikes you had as a kid where you just pedal backwards. Sweet. They told me that they make bikes for people but also teach people to make their own. Soon it was time for me to go because morgan showed up and off we went to see Man Man.

I knew it would be a fun show. They did not disappoint. Their costumes included white daisy dukes, white shirts, white pants, sequined head dresses, sequined capes, an what appeared to be noxema smears on their faces. Some props included an apple, balloons, and kazoos. (see sidebar for Man Man details) For the most part the crowd was friendly. There was this one girl though... she tried to smoke a cigarette next to me. I wasn't having that at all. She tried to get an attitude with me so I was prepared to mix it up with her (hahaha). Luckily for both of us, her friend came over, snatched the cigarette from her, put it out, and threw it in the trash. She then apologized to me several times. HA! Smoking girl kept trying to dance sexy, which she wasn't, and Morgan, this random girl and I laughed. She kind of looked like she was dying but kept tugging her dress over her boobies and showing her panty draws. Also she kept bumping into Morgan but whatever.

I can also say that Man Man are very nice people. Funny too. I'm a fan.


This is pretty funny. Also, listen for clips from their awesome album, "Rabbit Habits"

"And if you're thinking that you may or you might then you're thinking right!"

What have I been up to besides not writing a blog? Well, I have been cutting my hair, which is kind of addictive. I've been eating a ton of food, watching a lot of television and riding my bike. I'm not a fan of writing a blog when i have nothing at all to say, even tough I have done it in the past. I have stuff to say today. How bout that?

I have a thing about answering the door when I'm not expecting anyone. I tend not to do it. I was caught a little off guard yesterday. I was sitting in my bed watching TV and eating when I heard a knock at my door. So there's this asshole blogger who I know who keeps trying to go to war with me via urbandictionary.com, facebook and photoshop. It's only medium funny. This asshole blogger is very much a 6 year old although he denies kicking me in the shins when we were at karaoke. Earlier in the day, said asshole blogger kept threatening to come over to my house. There was an unexpected knock at my door and I thought it was him so I turned off the TV and the lights and pretended not to be home. Silly me. Turning shit off that had previously been on makes it obvious that you are at home. The person at the door said in some creepy fake voice "Housekeeping" and I knew it wasn't asshole blogger, but in fact Malcolm. I was very relieved and I let him in.

With certain friends, you always end up strolling down memory lane with them. I have known Malcolm since kindergarten but we have been friends since we were 20. Both of us are a lot happier with ourselves now than we were at 20 but I'm not sure I disagree with his statement yesterday that that was the best year of our life. I wonder if people find it offensive when you say stuff to them like "Same old Maggie" or "Phil, you havn't changed a bit". We've all changed a lot. We haven't aged really, but we have certainly changed. Well...most of us have. We spent a good portion of the night looking at my photo albums and marvelling at how young we were. I might have been a little bit pissed when Malcolm commented on how long my hair used to be and how my now short hair ages me a little. I guess i'm not TOO offended. (You should see how long HIS hair used to be.) The day before, he had gone to visit some of the former Crows Nest kids and they just happened to have yet another photo album from back in the day. Oh... the Crow's Nest. Those were certainly the days. I didn't work there but most of my firends did so I was always around. Most of us went to the same college too. Ben always said I should have been on the payroll. Oh, that Ben.

So yeah, one awesome thing about Malcolm is his appreciation for my childhood. It is a good thing we weren't friends until we were grown ups because we would have never left the house. We would have sat in the house playing video games, watching TV and eating novelty snacks. (I think if Hostess Choco-Bliss ever came back, we would be in trouble.) Last night we spent a good amount of time watching TV show openings on youtube and singing along. If you don't remember the opening theme for The Tracy Ullman Show on Fox, I suggest you look into it. I was reminded (remound) of last year when we were sitting in his hospital room singing "Just the 10 of Us" and "Mr. Belvedere" at top volume and the people across the hall from us shut the door. Good old Malcolm. See? This is why I get so upset when we get in fights and stop being friends with each other. Speaking of that... Anthony will be here tomorrow. I can not WAIT!


Tracy Ullman is last.

Spicey Wobitz

Seriously, from now on, whenever I need a boost of confidence, I am going down to the Area Five Police Headquarters Circuit Court. We had to go yesterday to see that justice was served and that "Paisan", as Rose and I have christened him, went to jail... or something. Oh the characters...including our motley crew. Let's begin with us: Jamie decided to go with a black collared housewife dress, knitted shawl and pearls. All she needed was a martini and a vaccum. Rose went for 10th grade creative writing teacher in a green blouse with white polka dots, black cardigan and tan skirt. Oh, and pearls. I looked like myself, but like myself when I don't look homeless. Striped sweater, crisp polo, corduroy skirt, green velcro buster browns, huge Harry Caray sunglasses, ridiculous earrings... yeah. Like myself. Dave looked like himself too. He had on his traditional vest, slacks, tie and glasses. I was very pleased with us. So was everyone else. They were staring appreciatively :). Paisan and his dad looked like some chumps. Which they are. Most of the people were sort of fucked up but there were worse offenders than others.

When we were called for our case, we walked out to the hall to confer with the prosecuter, who was teetering on the brink of hotness. In contrast, Paisan's lawyer looked like a cross between The Naked Trucker and offensive Italian stereotype. His wedding ring was a) huge b) orangeish c) looked like it was from a gumball machine. He had a friendly enough face but since he was on the wrong side, he was subject to our ridicule. Unlike the hot-ish prosecuter who I suspect might have been a douche, but since he was on the right side, his smirk and strut were charming. I'm like 91% sure he's actually a douche.

Who else... OK, the public defender. He was hil-AR-ious. He had this one defendant who needed a translator. The judge and the translator were talking to the defendant and the public defender's eyes kept widening humorously. Apparently, he had no idea that his client was going to do and say the stuff he was doing/saying...via the translator. It was so outrageous in fact, that the judge said to him "Is your client mentally competent" "Well... I thought so until about a minute and a half ago." HAHAHAHAHA After the case he kept shaking his head in disbelief. He was kind of like your uncle at the BBQ who has awesome stories to tell about super irrelevant shit but you love his opinion.

The whole court staff was a mess though. The judge with his sarcastic asides, the flustered translator with her outfit that wouldn't stay put, the lady that kept announcing the cases kept dropping files and handing out the wrong ones and whispering to people, the prosecuters with their private jokes... Some of the defendants were a trip. This one kid, he looked about 19, was sentenced to "Successful completion of drug school." His response? "Cool." He was wearing a puffy jacket and some sort of 1/2 backpack 1/2 satchel that looked like it was free at a Cubs game. His haircut bewildered us all. We weren't sure if it was bed head or if he requested that someone do that to him. Wow.

And the honorable mention goes to the chick who walked into court looking a hot mess and carrying a huge mirror. She looked like one of the Belmont trash we used to kick out of starbux back in the day. At first we thought she might be a dude but no. She was lady folks.

To celebrate, we went to Baba Reba(sp) and to the Aroma Workshop. I got to name Dave's new fragrance but he came up with the spelling. Spicey Wobitz.

Oh Rexy, You're SO Sexy

I cut all my hair off. I might as well have been in the bathroom at a record store in 1996 with The Cranberries playing in the background, anticipating the arrival of "Rex Manning". God. I hope I don't regret it but so far people are liking it. I've felt like quite the badass today even though I'm not one at all. I have to be in court tomorrow and come across as the complete opposite of a badass and what do I do? I cut all my hair off. What's more, I'm gonna cut some more when I get home. Call me Scissor Happy Jack!

I told beloved friend Jody that I was gonna write a creepy blog today about how much I love her but that will have to wait until after I do "Four Things" as Lost in CO has requested :)

Four Jobs I have had in my life:
Starfucker (as in working in Hell, aka Starbux, not being a professinal groupie)
Computer Lab Assistant
Media Relations Coordinator
Music Analyst

Four Movies I would watch/have watched over and over:
Coming to America
But I'm A Cheerleader
A Christmas Story
I'm Gonna Git U Sucka


Four Places I have lived:
Chicago, Illinois
New York, New York
Jacksonville, Illinois (Japan)
A van down by the river (Lisle, Illinois)

Four TV Shows that I watch:
Top Chef
South Park
America's Next Top model
30 Rock

Four Places I have visited:
I haven't been anywhere but Canada and 46 of our 50 states

Four People who email me regularly:
Blogger
Jeff
Colin
Facebook

Four Favorite Foods:
Mac n Cheese
Chicken Curry
Monica's Famous Collard Greens
White Castle

Four Places I would like to be right now:
In bed
Camping
With Mommy
New York

Four Things I am looking forward to this year:
PNW
NYC
Music festivals
Wyoming

On to Jody. Who I love. Who I want to hug and who says she wants to bite my face. Whenever I see an Olive Garden commercial, I choke up a little and think about our ridiculous pretend dates. "Hey baby, I'mma treat you right! We're going to Olive Garden." And go we did. Across state lines even. On multiple occasions. The best ever was the time at karaoke when we sang "Mad About You" and "Love the One You're With" together and everyone thought we were this cute couple. Yeah...we like boys. But we love each other a lot. Hence, the creepy blog I am writing about her. I love you J-GO! I'll be there soon for a vist, a hug, and arm in arm frolicking through Brooklyn.

Top Chef

Hm... haven't had much to say in some time. Still kinda don't. I'm kind of traumatized by food at the moment... still... but I love televised cooking competitions. I'm watching Top Chef. Here are some early impressions.

Spike - HOT(ish) and a bit(lot) assy. But I like him.

Mark - a cross between Bret and Murray from Flight of the Conchords

Erik - seems like an awesome fella. Quote of the year "Dude, I made nachos...nachos."

Dale - did he go to grade school with me? he didn't but...did he?

Andrew - hilarious. hilariously spastic. but hilarious.

Nicky - reminds me of a woman at work who has always been very sweet toward me but is apparently not the best person.

Valerie - reminds me of Rachel Dratch (Debbie Downer). I fear for her in this competition.

I bored of the competitors beyond these few. On to the judges.

Padma - so so pretty... so so stoned

Tom - I think we would get along famously

Wiley DeFresne was on tonight!

I don't like when Anthony Bourdain isn't on. I want to be BFF with him.

I'm bored again.

Peace